


Lonesome Love

by pinkworm



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Friends to Lovers, Hannibal Lecter Loves Will Graham, Hannibal Lecter is Not a Cannibal, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-02-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:07:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,183
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27161569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkworm/pseuds/pinkworm
Summary: (used to be basiltonbitch)Dr. Hannibal Lecter aches for something profound to happen in his life. Will Graham finds existing hard. They end up meeting each other, as Dr. Lecter becomes his therapist. Using the cases they are working on together, and their "therapy sessions" as an excuse, they erase all boundaries around them and end up discovering something new, a place in each other, for each other.based on NBC's Hannibal, and I have used the liberty fanfiction provides us with quite freely. I hope you like it.(the title is a mitski song!)
Relationships: Alana Bloom/Margot Verger, Bedelia Du Maurier & Hannibal Lecter, Bedelia Du Maurier/Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham & Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter
Comments: 29
Kudos: 82





	1. PART 1 - All My Stars Aligned

**CHAPTER 1**

"I understand you have actively chosen the life of a recluse for yourself but that shouldn't come in the way of making casual acquaintances," Bedelia said, putting the champagne flute down, a signal that she was to leave soon.

"All acquaintances are casual and I do not find myself needing any more at the moment," Hannibal replied, helping her with her coat.

"The truth is, Hannibal, you are lying to me and yourself, the former being irrelevant anyways," Bedelia said, and one could make out this wasn't the first time they had talked about this topic. "Bottom line is, I want someone on your arms when you attend my party on Saturday," Dr du Maurier said, kissing Hannibal on the cheek, making her way to the door. 

The truth? 

The truth was that whenever he casually got to know someone, the ever persistent ache in his heart seemed to grow claws and gnaw at the innards of his heart, making them bleed something other than red, a blue feeling which spread throughout his body like ink - the same ink used by a child on a sheet of paper to write a reminder a hundred times, over and over. 

_You will always be alone. You will always be alone. You will always be alone. You will always be alone. You will always be alone. You will._

The ache didn't seem to weaken with age, it just grew stubborn. Some people are born with an extra finger, Dr Hannibal Lecter was born with a silken thread of loneliness running through him, tying together all of his experiences like pearls, collectively named life. 

Hannibal escorted his colleague to her car and waited on the empty porch till her car was out of sight. 

He looked at the waning moon and waited for it to speak to him. He knew it was a silly notion but maybe one day the moon would speak up, tell him about how Achilles and Patroclus laid together under the very same moon, and how Hannibal could one day get to be a part of something as sacred as their love too. 

After getting ready for the night, Hannibal looked through his diary to check the next day's schedule - regular patients at ten in the morning through twelve pm but there was a new appointment at two in the afternoon. 

To Hannibal, afternoons stuck as the most vulgar of times, it left the vulnerable feeling exposed and the loneliest, while the whole world milled about in and out of each other's life with love to offer. The weak didn't mind the afternoons, they napped through it the way they napped through most of beautiful and painful moments of life, the two not being mutually exclusive. 

_2 pm - Will Graham._

The name tinkled in the night air, a faint memory, but he could not place any recognition to the name. He was content only because the mystery would be solved the next day. 

_____

"Are we celebrating something?" Alana Bloom enquired, looking at the amount of beer in front of Will Graham. 

"Just the tragedy that life is," Will replied, petting Winston. 

She sat down next to him on the couch and they settled back into a familiar silence. Even to an outsider, the domesticity of their dynamic would be very much evident. After all they had been friends for years and they had touched the boundaries which lined their circle of friendship here and there - a desperate one night stand many a times, angry make out sessions scheduled in between classes and meetings, and everything that came in between. 

But when it was time to step out of the circle in the outer, more dangerous fields of romance, Will pulled back even before Alana could take a step forward. This became a pattern which only broke last year when they got in a teary fight which ended the quandary they were in and made them step out of the circle altogether, into a field of friendship which offered no barbed wires as boundaries which would make Will pull himself into odd shapes. 

Right now they were just Will Graham, a lecturer of criminal psychology and Dr Alana Bloom, a renowned psychiatrist who were best friends. 

They heard a familiar honk of a Mercedes outside. Margot Verger, Alana's girlfriend. 

"Curfew is at eleven," Will joked. 

"Your session is at two tomorrow," Alana said, putting on her heels, smiling.

"Tomorrow I get to meet the best psychiatrist according to Dr Alana Bloom," Will said. 

"He really is the best. I learnt a lot from him while working under him," she said, petting the group of dogs who were sitting diligently by the door, waiting to see her off. 

"Well then why don't you become my therapist?"

"Then I wouldn't be your friend."

"I don't have a lot to offer as a friend anyways," Will muttered. 

"You're insulting my friend, you better stop," she said, and kissed him on his cheek. 

They bid each other goodbye and Will watched her sit in the car and drive away. 

"Come on Winston, at the end of the day it'll always be you and me," Will muttered, getting ready for bed. 


	2. PART 1 - chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading

"You take care now," Hannibal said, showing his patient the way out. His twelve pm was a nervous woman in her thirties who was still coping with the loss of her first child, even after bearing two more who were both healthy and lovely children. It is fascinating how we humans tend to mourn what we lost more than to find comfort in what is left. 

He looked at his watch. 1:05 pm. He had fifty five minutes before his new patient walked in. He put out fresh stationary and made a few calls he was supposed to. 

Around 1:30 he decided to pay a little visit to the butcher four blocks down and place an order for lamb to cook for Bedelia's party. 

As he opened the door of his office he was greeted with the back of a man wearing a grey blazer who was looking at the painting hung on the wall across the door. Hokusai’s Fine Wind, Clear Morning. 

"May I help you?" Hannibal enquired.

The man turned around. He seemed to be in his thirties, and his shoulders were broad. Tousled brown hair, small glasses and a well set face, he looked as educated as he probably actually was. 

"Dr Lecter? I am Will Graham," he said, walking towards him and extending his hand. Hannibal shook it. 

"Hello, nice to meet you. You're early," he commented.

"Yeah I know, apologies if that is any sort of inconvenience. I just got out of class early and decided to walk here. It's a good day," he said, in a controlled voice, which seemed to be on the edge of shaking. 

"It indeed is a good day, I myself was going out for a walk, but with a purpose better than therapy," Hannibal said, stepping out in the waiting area. 

Will looked at him to continue.

"The butchers," Hannibal smiled. 

"It's the same thing," Will Graham commented and Hannibal let out a laugh. 

"You're probably right. Do you mind accompanying me? Or you can just wait here, and stare at the painting a little more," Hannibal said. 

"Oh no, I'd like to walk with you. Although it is a great painting,” Will said. 

The men grabbed their coats and walked out on the almost empty road. 

“Do you do this often?” Will Graham enquired.

“Tale my potential clients to a butcher’s store?” Hannibal asked.

“Yeah, not exactly, but yeah. Isn’t this beyond the usual patient doctor relationship?” 

“It is, but you’re not my patient yet, and you are accompanying me out of your own will.”

Will gave a tight smile. He seemed to be a closed off person. 

They walked the remaining blocks in silence, and Hannibal stopped in front of the butchers and opened the door for Will.

“Ah, Doctor, what brings you here today? Perhaps a fish? Halibut? Lake trouts?” The butcher , who was clearly used to Hannibal asked, smiling.

“Nothing of that sorts Ali, just a good old lamb, please and thank you. I need it on Friday,” Hannibal said. 

“Of course of course, my pleasure,” Ali said, and wrote down the order. “Shall I drop it by your office?”

Hannibal nodded and paid the sum.

They walked out and made their way back to the office. 

“How did you come to find out about me?” Hannibal asked. 

“Alana Bloom.”

Of course, she was the one who mentioned Will a few weeks ago, giving an outline of his situation. He could recall it easily now. 

_ He’s my friend. He’s a little troubled…..his job is very taxing….closest to his dogs…. Of course I don’t have to tell you that I was in love with him…maybe still am… I trust you.  _

Snippets of their conversation made their way to the front of his mind and he nodded. 

“She is a good friend of mine.”

“Mine too, hence I am here,” Will said and they shared a smile. 

They reached the building and this time Will reached ahead and opened the door, and Hannibal raised his eyebrows amused. They walked in, and entered his office. 

Hannibal indicated Will to sit down on the sofa and the latter complied. 

“Will, where do you want to begin? You can start anywhere,” Hannibal said, settling down on the sofa across from the man himself. 

“Nowhere.”

“May I know the reason?”

“I do not say this to offend you or anyone else in this field. I do not consider myself to be superior to this certain school of thought, but, I do strongly feel that therapy isn’t meant for me,” he said, deliberately. 

Hannibal observed him, saying nothing.

“I have been to people before. Maybe they weren’t the right fit for me, maybe you are the perfect psychiatrist for someone like me. But in my heart, I am too tired to go through everything again, and be scrutinised for it. The thought itself makes me feel smaller than usual.”

“Why do you feel small to begin with?”

“It’s something which has always been there in me, this smallness. If I try to somehow expand it, it takes up the properties of a balloon, it does get bigger, but it’s hollow. I feel hollow.”

“Do you feel embarrassed that there is someone out there judging you? Treating you like a lab rat?”

“Not strictly. I am aware of the way therapy works. I am happy that mankind is at a stage where lobotomy isn’t the first solution for everything related to mental illness,” he paused and Hannibal smiled, “I just feel like I am failing as a person you know? What is so tough that I am unable to  _ exist _ , whereas others are going about their day, being normal?”

“Do you think you are not normal?”

“I just know I am not meant to be happy.”

“You can’t just make such declarations and get away with it. Happiness is fleeting, you can’t lock it up for later. But it doesn’t mean it will not visit you.”

“It doesn’t even matter, I am fine, I am content.”

“But?”

“But,” Will said, leaning forward, “I feel empty. And something stabs me time to time, a dull knife which makes it hurt more than it should.”

“What is this thing?”

“My inabilities.”

Hannibal raised his eyebrow.

“It’s the feeling that there is something amiss, always, when it comes to me.”

They stayed silent after that for a minute or two or five, who knows? Will noticed that Hannibal hadn’t written down anything, and was mildly relieved. He knew about the client- therapist confidentiality so he knew Alana wouldn’t be told about this, so that was another consolation. Maybe after you became a therapist, people just trusted you instantly, because he didn’t know he could form so many sentences of such calibre in front of anyone. 

He heard a vehicle drive past, and then the room was silent again. The afternoon sun was on her way out, and Will looked at Dr Lecter whose face was half aglow because of it, and the other half was subdued, like a sculpture left to be admired. 

“Mr Will, it is evident that you need someone to talk to, but your refusal to participate in structural therapy proves to be a barrier between you and the answers you're seeking which are within yourself. From what I have heard, you refuse to talk to your friends about such feelings, lest you burden them.”

Will nodded. 

“I have a proposition,” Hannibal said, and he knew what he was doing was mildly unethical but if Will consented to it, it was alright. After all, therapy had no strict rules, it was all about being a dynamic process. 

“Since you don’t want me to be assessing you formally, why don’t you just come here and talk to me and we try to converse our way through your woes and troubles? It will be a client therapist relationship on paper, but you can treat me like a confidant, a friend if you feel like. I do not believe in the textbook methods either, so I am willing to go the other way for you, if you are willing.”

Will considered it for a minute. 

“I am not entirely sure how this is going to work out, but I am willing to give it a try,” he said, in that soft voice of his. 

Hannibal nodded. “You can withdraw from this anytime you want.”

“I need time to reach a conclusion.”

“Of course. So, feel free to inform my secretary about when you are free and she will match it up with my schedule and we can meet on the assigned days.”

Will nodded. He looked at his watch and saw that it was time to go. He got up and Hannibal rose with him. They shook hands and Hannibal showed him the way out. He looked at him walk away, his head hung a little low, and he felt something bloom in his chest, something soft, for the first time. 


	3. PART 1 - chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, thank you for reading! if you are coming back for this chapter, thank you for being patient and liking it enough to do so.  
> i know this sounds very 2012 tumblr fangirl-ish but I really love these two characters and I keep thinking about them on and off. I hope this fanfiction is something nice and worthwhile for other people who appreciate the show and characters as much as I do.

“How was it?” Alana asked over the phone.  
“Better,” Will said.  
“I told you he is amazing,” she said.  
“His methods aren’t conventional,” he said, hoping he hadn’t said something wrong.  
“They work, so I wouldn’t be worried. However, if you’re uncomfortable, you can tell him,” she said.  
“I am uncomfortable all the time,” he said.  
Alana laughed. “What are you doing on Saturday?”  
“Staying home.”  
“I want to change that, ”Alana said and Will wasn’t sure if he was up for that.  
“No.”  
“Dr Bedelia du Maurier has a party, and I need a date. Margot left for London today, and I don’t want to go alone.”  
“Stay home instead.”  
“Would love to, but I need to go, she has personally said she wants to see me there. Please?”  
“Okay,” Will said. Going to parties was more tiring than boring for him.  
“Wear blue,” Alana bid him goodbye.  
Will sat down on his desk and waited for his next class. He looked at the email he had received from Dr Lecter’s secretary, she wanted to know when it was comfortable for him. He looked at the free hours and marked three in a week. He could just be vague about it and tell people that he was out socialising - it would make people be less afraid of him.  
He wasn’t oblivious to the fact that everyone at the university thought he was something worse than an introvert - just because he panicked when people talked to him. He expected these learned scholars to be a little more understanding, but it seemed like these mental illnesses and other things were a foreign concept for them. He knew what they said about him - how he was arrogant, how he thought he was better than everyone else, and other such things, sometimes more disasteful than just annoying. He wasn’t unaware but he wasn’t affected by these things either.  
Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday - seemed like he finally had a “social life” outside of Alana Bloom and his dogs. 

____________

Hannibal looked at the cars parked in Bedelia’s driveway. There were going to be a lot of people. He looked around, nobody seemed to be out. He walked out of his car and walked to her house. He walked into a warm yellow light and people standing in it. Many familiar faces. He nodded, talked to them and worked the room until he met Bedelia standing by the staircases, wearing an emerald dress, and a matching shrug. She turned to him and waited until he was near her.  
“Your date arrived before you,” she said, addressing the lamb.  
Hannibal laughed.  
“Are you disappointed?” He asked. His arm was empty.  
“No, but I was looking forward to being surprised,” she said and took a sip of her drink. She looked through him, at someone who had just entered. Hannibal turned around and saw Alana Bloom, with Will Graham.  
He raised his eyebrow, a little surprised. The duo made their way to them, Alana holding Will’s hand. Whatever happened to Verger?  
“Are we late?” Alana asked as she stopped in front of them. Will smiled at Hannibal.  
“Not at all. Who is this gentleman?” Bedelia asked.  
Alana introduced them. “Margot is in England right now, so she couldn’t come.”  
“It’s alright, as long as you have a smart, good looking person next to you.” Bedelia said and Will smiled, his head hung low. Alana touched his arm gently.  
Bedelia excused herself and walked away to attend to other guests.  
“You both are familiar with each other now,” Alana said.  
“A bit,” Will said.  
“So is it safe to say that I can leave you here and go meet a few people? Unless you want to accompany me?”  
“No, I am fine right here, thank you,” he said and looked at Hannibal who smiled.  
“You go Dr Bloom, I will keep Will company,” he said.  
Alana smiled and walked away, her red figure merging in the sea of people.  
Hannibal stopped the server and took a drink for himself and offered one to Will, who obliged.  
“Never thought I would see you here,” Hannibal commented.  
“Leave it to Alana to make me come out of my house,” Will replied.  
“It’s good to socialise sometimes.”  
“This kind of crowd isn’t good for me.”  
“And what kind of crowd is this?”  
“This crowd whose ideal party is standing and dissecting a particular topic until the drinks run out,” he said, looking around.  
“Spot on Will Graham, that is the majority consensus here,” Hannibal said and raised his drink.  
“How do you know Dr Bedelia du Maurier?”  
Hannibal told him - classmates, then lovers for a while, worked in the same hospital for a while, now friends who had fallen into each other’s rhythm.  
“That sounds great, honestly. If you have one person like that, you don’t need to go around looking for comfort at odd places,” Will commented.  
“Only she wants me to see someone, even though I keep reminding her I am fully content being the way I am,” Hannibal said, looking at Bedelia who glanced at him from across the room and waved. He waved back.  
“I can understand that, Alana too keeps saying I cannot spend my life with my dogs, but I plan on proving her wrong.”  
“You have dogs?”  
“Yeah.”  
“How many?”  
“I think there are five? But there may be more, my doors are open to strays who never really go back,” Will said and laughed shortly. Hannibal smiled.  
“Do you have any pets?”  
“No.”  
“You are lonelier than I am,” Will commented.  
“No, just incomeptent when it comes to taking care of someone.”  
“Do you want to be cared for, instead?”  
Hannibal looked at Will, his hair falling all over his forehead. The question seemed to be an innocent one, just a follow up to something he said, but Hannibal felt exposed, like a lamb left for slaughter, standing with a flute of champagne in a crowd full of people who were oblivious to life and how painful it was.  
“Let’s walk outside, if it’s alright with you?” He asked, keeping his drink down.Will readily agreed, following suit.  
They walked out on Bedelia’s lawn and moved away from the party - the voices long diminished.  
“I don’t think it can exist on it’s own. You can’t ask someone to hold your hand without first raising it in their direction.”  
Will considered what he said. “It’s like a prayer, with a response.”  
“That’s all there is to love, isn’t it?” Hannibal asked.  
“In a way,” Will smiled.  
“Tell me Will, do you believe in god?”  
“Not as an existence, but as a concept. As an extension of all of us.”  
“All of us?”  
“Lucifer was an angel wasn’t he?”  
Hannibal smiled, looking ahead. “Then are you and I gods?”  
“Standing here, on your colleague’s lawn, with nothing behind us, yes.”  
They stood like that, silently, the air between them punctuating the sentence which wrote their beginning together.  
“Is this a part of my therapy?”  
“I think it’s more a part of mine,” Hannibal said.  
“You are leaning on an unstable source for that,” Will joked.  
“A god, actually,” Hannibal said, kicking a stone sideways. 

Will observed him. Hannibal’s hair fell flat on his forehead, perfect. His head was lowered so it fell down like bangs. He looked almost boyish right now.  
He wasn’t sure where all the talk of god and love had come from, but none of it seemed foreign to him. It did surprise him though, what all he was capable of thinking. But it was merely an answer, considering this was therapy, even if not in the most conventional senses. He was here for answers, right?  
They made their way back to the party, not speaking. Will could feel something inside of him, maybe a latch undoing itself, or someone’s hand reaching out and opening the door for him. What would come out? Who knew? He had never seen it, never tried to know what he stored in himself.  
Maybe it was time to find that out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a good day! <3


	4. PART 1 - chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello,  
> I have tried using a new style of writing. I thought of maybe separating the "therapy sessions" from Will and Hannibal's actual conversations, even though both of them aren't all that different. The therapy sessions would read like transcripts - focusing mostly on the conversation with few physical attributes mentioned here and there, like we are observers; and the actual conversation like how the fic is going on. I hope you like it. If not, please let me know! I can switch back.

He ate his breakfast and cleaned his rifle. After that, he made his bed. He changed his shirt. It was Sunday, so he didn’t find a need to wear a blazer. After that, he sat on his chair, his dogs sprawled on the floor around him, waiting for the clock to strike 10 so that he could leave for his therapy appointment. 

Last night felt unreal, and Will was trying to wrap his head around it. It wasn’t weird, or bad even, it was just that he had never felt that he had a place in him which was an endless pit of questions and wonderings beyond dead bodies and the FBI. 

It would take him forty five minutes to reach Dr Lecter’s place, his session was at 11 am. It was only a quarter to ten right now, but he got his jacket and made his way to the car. 

He was early, as he knew he would. He pulled into the coffee shop a street before Dr Lecter’s office. He went in, only to find Jack Crawford sitting at one of the tables, with a croissant and coffee, reading something. Will placed his order and walked up to him.

“Is this what your typical Sunday looks like?” He said, and Jack looked up. He smiled.

“Good morning Will, what are you doing here? Don’t you have some fish to catch, a pack of hounds to feed?”

“I fished early in the morning. And all my dogs aren’t hounds,” he said and sat down after Jack signaled him to.

“What are you doing here?”

“Grocery shopping,” Will said. He wasn’t lying, he did need to go to the grocery store after he met with Dr Lecter. 

“That’s lovely. You should come over for dinner once. Bella is tired of hearing about you and not having met you,” he said.

“I would love to meet her too. Let’s do that someday.”

“We are actually thinking of hosting a tiny party in order to introduce some people to each other. There are a few cases we are going to reopen and we want the best minds on it. So, I was thinking it would be great to get acquainted with each other before starting work.”

“I had no idea about this.”

“I know, no one does yet. But you are on the team so you would find out about it sometime anyways,” Jack said waving his hand and taking a sip of his coffee.

Will nodded. He looked at his watch and saw that it was almost ten minutes to eleven. He got up. 

“Let’s talk about it tomorrow. Take a break for once,” he said and smiled. Jack laughed. 

“Americans are not going to let us take a break ever,” he said. 

Will bid him goodbye and sat in his car and made his way to his appointment. 

  
  


Hannibal stood in his office, looking at his books. Today was his first official session with Will Graham, the man who had accompanied him last night at the party. The conversation they had wasn’t merely a purely philosophical one, something that privileged people indulged in after a glass or two of alcohol, nor were they two school boys in the prime of their youth who were under the misapprehension that they were better than the world and the only path to greatness was to reject normalcy. If Hannibal were to tell the truth, he still agreed with the idea - normalcy often faded into boredom and an insult towards all things living. Of course jumping off cliffs wasn’t the way to find a spark in life- not for him at least, but he did want to stay as far away as possible from the clutches of ennui.

He looked at his watch. 10:59 AM. He opened the door. 

**Hannibal:** I want to ask if you slept well, but you look the same as last night.

_ Hands on lap, clasped together.  _

**Will:** Permanently tired. 

_ Touching his glasses.  _

**Hannibal:** I didn't mean it in an offending tone.

**Will:** It’s alright, everyone is tired. 

_ A slight smile. Tired.  _

**Hannibal:** Perhaps. Why are you so tired?

**Will:** My job. 

**Hannibal:** There must be more.

**Will:** Living is tiring.

**Hannibal:** Not if you are doing it correctly.

**Will:** Do you never feel fatigued because of how much there is to press you down?

**Hannibal:** You are right. I do. 

**Will:** What do you do about it then?

**Hannibal:** I wait for it to pass.

**Will:** Does it? 

**Hannibal:** It leaves me alone. 

_ A smile. Returned.  _

**Will:** And comes back? 

**Hannibal:** Like the waves.

**Will:** Like the waves. 

_ Silence. They look at each other. Will is thinking something. It seems like Hannibal is letting him think for him too.  _

**Hannibal:** What are you thinking about today?

**Will:** How we all depend upon each other. 

**Hannibal:** Would you like to elaborate?

**Will:** I was standing in a line for coffee. If the barista wasn't there, I wouldn't have my coffee. If I chose to make my coffee at home, I still wouldn't have coffee if someone hadn't plucked the beans at a plantation and someone hadn't packaged it and sent it to me. Of course this doesn't sound poetic, more like something that I can follow up with how capitalism is the crutch on which we are all leaning on, but if we strip it naked somehow, we see it's all us. I lean on you, you lean on me. 

_ Will wipes his hands on his trousers nervously. For the first time, he thinks he has a lot more to say. But what do they say about old habits, he pauses.  _

**Hannibal:** You are certainly right Will. Humanity is built upon the foundation of kindness which branches out into us reaching out to each other for help, for proof that we are all in this together. It wasn't a poetic answer until the leaning part. 

_ Will smiles. Hannibal looks at him, a faint smile playing on his face too.  _

But it is honest. If capitalism did not exist, we'd still be helping each other out, just with more kindness in our hearts. The barista has bills to pay and they are stressed and tired all the time and not to mention underpaid, so maybe they did not help you with the same thought as you in their heart. However, someone else will help them, and thus it will continue. An endless chain of good things inside the mouth of a big fowl monster whom we have birthed and who will chew us and spit us out whole. 

**Will:** We'll just be more tired than before. 

**Hannibal:** And it's an endless cycle. 

**Will:** And coffee won't help. 

_ A short laugh. Hannibal changes the position of his legs, one on top of the other. Hands still clasped loosely.  _

**Hannibal:** If it's from a local coffee house then of course it won't. I appreciate your sentiments Will, but that coffee isn't the answer to anything. I would like it if you accepted my offer for coffee at my place. 

**Will:** Today? 

**Hannibal:** Right after this session. I have no other clients. 

_ A moment of consideration.  _

**Will:** Okay. 

**Hannibal:** Thank you for leaning on me this time. 

**Will:** I'm afraid if I really do lean onto you, I may not let go easily. 

**Hannibal:** I wouldn't mind it, it's been long since something like that has happened. 

**Will:** Have you ever leaned on anyone? 

**Hannibal:** I try to be self sufficient. 

**Will:** That's just a fancy way of saying I don't know how to cope with loneliness. 

_ Hannibal laughs, surprised. Will smirks resolutely, he knows he is right. But how? He doesn't know.  _

**Hannibal:** You may have hit it right on the spot. I didn't know the FBI taught such things. 

**Will:** It doesn't, but I have been in the company of a renowned psychiatrist for a while. I think that's what has made me aware of all these things. 

_ Hannibal looks at Will. He knows he's being honest. Whatever Hannibal feels right now, it is a foreign feeling, but it's a visitor. It's been years but he's familiar that he's capable of experiencing the emotion which is ringing in his head like a bell right now.  _

**Hannibal:** I'm afraid I do not have a review form with me, or else I'd have you fill it. 

**Will:** How does it feel selling your capabilities as a human as a commodity? 

**Hannibal:** Feels like all the world's a stage, and I'm the one who's supposed to give the cues. 

**Will:** To hopeless people like me? 

**Hannibal:** To hopeless people, to helpless people, yes. You're a first. 

**Will:** I'm not either? 

**Hannibal:** Not to me. 

**Will:** I do consider myself hopeless though. 

**Hannibal:** We consider ourselves to be all kinds of terrible things so that when someone else says it we aren't as hurt as we'd have been hearing it for the first time. Instead it's like preaching to a choir and having the choir sing back in a resounding tone. 

**Will:** Is it a form of self preservation? 

**Hannibal:** I consider it self deception. 

**Will:** That sounds weaker. 

**Hannibal:** It is. It always is. Emerson says, “trust thyself, every heart vibrates to that iron heart string.” So, I think we should accept how we are about certain things and not let someone’s perceptions of us warp ours. 

**Will:** Isn’t that lazy? What about when a hunter never changes his ways even though he knows his actions are hurtful?

**Hannibal:** The hunter has no space in him to think about the hunted. I hope you do not mind if I quote Emerson again - “nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of your own mind.” If that can be true for heroes, can it not be true for someone who is on a lower rung? Someone who has a one track mind perhaps - to hunt?

**Will:** I fish.

**Hannibal:** Do you feel bad for the fish?

**Will:** I do not think of that. It’s a sport. 

**Hannibal:** You do not think of it. 

**Will:** But I am sure this isn’t an integral part of me. I can live without fishing.

**Hannibal:** Of course you can. So, you are not lazy.

**Will:** I wasn’t asking for myself. It was a general wonder. 

**Hannibal:** Life is here to make us wonder. 

Hannibal looked at his watch. It was 12:03 pm. “That concludes our session today.”

Will nodded.

“You do not have to accept my offer if you have somewhere to be, but I am insisting,” Hannibal said, getting up. 

“I don’t have anywhere to be, except go grocery shopping later,” Will said, looking at Hannibal who had opened the door and was saying something to his secretary. 

“Well, then?” Hannibal asked, coming back.

“Let’s go then,” Will said, taking his coat and following Hannibal out. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! have a good day. I currently was rereading Emerson's On Self Reliance and it gave me some rough ideas, so I used them!


	5. PART 1 - chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a filler ! had a tough time trying to get past the prev chapter but now i got it!

They walked through the tiny hallway which opened into the actual house of Hannibal. Will walked behind him and when they reached the seating area, Hannibal took his coat and asked him to sit. 

Will complied. Hannibal walked away, taking off his own blazer and rolling up the sleeves of his shirt, into the kitchen. 

Will observed the walls- paintings and photographs, all by artists. Nothing personal, no certificates proving his abilities, no photographs serving a reminder that Hannibal extended beyond his room and practice - no parents, siblings or even lovers. Somehow, it felt like Will was looking at an archived room of someone who lived long ago, and all he could do was piece the information he had in front of him to assume what kind of a person Hannibal was. Assume.

Hannibal returned in about ten minutes or so, with two elegant mugs of coffee. 

“Hope you like it,” he said and sat across from Will, an arrangement Will was getting used to.

“So, how is work?” He asked. 

“The usual. Although I met Jack today in the coffee place and he said they are reopening a few cases and he wants me to work with him on it,” Will said.

“That sounds like something to look forward to.”

“It does, but if it’s an intense one which I’m sure it will be since it’s being reopened, I will get tired.”

“Do you tire easily?”

“I tire frequently.”

Hannibal smiled. Will took a sip of the coffee and let the taste sit in his mouth. It was intense and the sweetness hit a little later. 

“This is really good,” Will said.

“If you only buy coffee at coffee houses then your bar is quite low Will, but thank you,” Hannibal said. 

“You’re quite pretentious when it comes to food, aren’t you?”

“I enjoy the little things in life,” Hannibal took a sip of his coffee. He looked at Will and his messy hair and felt an urge to run his fingers through his hair. He also wanted to smell his shirt for some reason. Him keeping him even after the session was over, and all of these weird urges only collectively gave out one cry - it had been too long since Hannibal had been close to someone. 

His desperation was making him claw at anyone and everyone it seemed, but somehow, the man sitting in front of him, nervously yet determinedly sipping his coffee seemed different. 

They had been sitting in silence for a while, and Hannibal was worried if he was making Will feel uncomfortable. It was quite funny that the psychiatrist in him stopped being the voice of reason out of the office and now he was just trying to entertain his guest in a way which would guarantee his return. 

“How is Alana?” Hannibal finally asked.

“Haven’t talked to her yet since last night. She doesn’t know I am here either. Actually, no one does,” Will said. “I was planning on saying I had been out socialising when they ask me what I did on Sunday, I am sure they will be taken aback.”

“Is that your attempt at being normal?”

“Maybe. But I also don’t want to consider these as sessions, so I am just trying really hard to not acknowledge it,” he said. 

“Well then, I too will tell people I was busy socializing with my new friend if they ask me why I was unreachable on Sunday afternoon,” Hannibal said.

Will smiled and nodded. He looked at Hannibal, his arms wrapped around the coffee mug, his hair sticking to his forehead yet again. His shirt, a pale gray fit his shoulders perfectly; there was no tie today. He suddenly wanted to spend more time here, and ask Hannibal about his childhood and his college days and just sit on the floor with him and hear him talk. 

All of it seemed to be beyond a line he wasn’t sure he was supposed to cross. And maybe, asking him all those things would eventually lead to him facing similar questions, and he wasn’t sure he was up for that. 

Just like that, he was suddenly fatigued sitting on someone else’s deep maroon sofa on a Sunday afternoon.


	6. PART 1 - chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you like it! Layla an Adah are both poc and in love. They may be recurring characters idk. Also, idk how the FBI works but bear with me, this is just a fanfic

“So how was your Sunday?” Alana asked, creeping up on Will who was on his way to meet Jack.

“It was fun, went out for a walk, met Jack accidentally,” he said. “Yours?”

“Had a patient in Baltimore, and then headed home to sleep.”

“Sounds wonderful.”

Alana nodded. “Are you going to meet Jack?”

“You too?”

“Yeah, the FBI is thinking of opening up a case because of two teenagers, that’s all I know,” she said, already done with it.

“Doesn’t sound like a treat. I am just glad you’re on it with me too.” 

Alana touched his arm as they turned around the corner and reached Jack’s office. 

They weren’t the first ones there. Will recognized Beverly Katz, from the Behavioral Science Unit. He respected her methods and they had worked on a few cases in the past. She waved when she saw him. He waved back. She was standing next to two guys, whom Will had seen around. 

Sitting in front of Jack were two girls, all Will could see was one had curly hair and the other was bald. Jack nodded at him and Will made his way to Beverly along with Alana. 

Jack got up. “So everyone is here. I am not sure if you have all met each other but we had to call this emergency meeting because of these two,” he said pointing to the two sitting. 

“They run a podcast and blog called Murder and Scurry-”

“Clever,” said one of the guys standing next to Will.

“Thank you, I always imagine murderers doing their killing and then walking away like a pussy, not that I think of murder all the time,” the bald girl said. Jack looked at the guy who murmured a sorry. 

“They recently took up the case of the infamous murders which happened seven years ago-”

“All young mothers,” Beverly said. 

“Yes!” the other girl exclaimed. 

“So, they did some digging and they have found some new things and like responsible citizens, they informed the FBI,” Jack said.

“Actually my ma made us do it. She didn’t want us getting in trouble, just putting that out there,” the curly haired girl said. 

“So, what do you know?” Will asked. 

“I’d like to introduce ourselves first,” she stood up. “I am Layla, and this is Adah,”

“My pronouns are they and them.”

“You go girl!” The guy in the white coat, whose badge read Jimmy Price said. He followed it by "oops" when he realized his mistake.

Adah looked at him and just smiled awkwardly. “It’s cool. Anyways, the case, yeah. So, what all we know, via the newspapers is that several, seven to be exact, new mothers were murdered in the area,” Layla took out a binder from her backpack and everyone gathered around the table to take a look. They had a lot of newspaper clippings. 

“Police investigated all of them as separate murders at least until there were four victims. Then they tried looking for a pattern and so did the FBI,” Layla added, turning the page. They had profiled the seven victims. Alana touched the page. 

“I remember working on this case, we kept reaching dead ends,” she commented. 

“Yeah, we tried to read more about this but we too kept reaching dead ends. Then one of our listeners sent us an email. They were the cousin of one of the deceased - Evanna Olsen.

“They stated that Evanna had a stalker whom she kept turning down over and over again, ever since the last year of college. The stalker, James Blake even tried crashing her wedding. He always said he was the one she was supposed to be with. So, that is an angle. We tried googling him but ended up getting information about this English singer.”

“Maybe he is the stalker?” Brian, the other guy whom Will hadn't met prior to this quipped. He apologized when everyone looked at him. 

“We too thought so, because you have to think big when you’re taking an approach which you’d never take, but no he isn't the one,” Adah said. They turned a few pages and showed them the actual James Blake. Heavy beard, tired eyes, sitting on a sofa with a few friends.

“That is from his dormant Facebook account. That’s all there is on the internet about him,” Adah ended. 

“This is certainly a new angle, but what if it is a blind alley?” Beverly said. 

“Nothing new, isn’t that how this entire case has been like?” 

Beverly nodded. 

“I usually don’t pay heed to such things, but they both sound smart and sure of this,” Jack said and looked around. Everyone nodded. Layla and Adah held hands and smiled shyly. 

“There is actually a hidden motive behind this too,” Layla said and Adah tried to stop her. 

“What is it?” Will said.

“My partner, Adah wants to work in the forensic department so they were hoping they could catch a glimpse of that here,” Layla said and Adah just looked down. 

“Oh, we can arrange that,” Beverly said looking at Brian and Jimmy. “Give me your number and I will text you a day when you can come and watch us in action!” 

“That would be great,” Adah said. “Thank you so much.”

“No worries.”

Jack smiled. “Getting back to this, we are not sure of this yet but we will take a look at this case and let you know if we will open it again or not. Thank you for bringing this new information to our attention,” he said. “Do you mind if we keep this binder for a few days?”

“Have at it, just don’t spill something on it please,” Layla said. “This is kind of like our version of scrapbooking.”

“It’s really well maintained,” Will commented. 

They asked the couple a few more questions about the case, and after that dismissed them. The latter thanked them and walked away, after giving them their contact information. 

“Just a heads up, if you meet a curly redhead who looks at everything like a hawk, do not talk to her, walk away. Run even,” Alana said, referring to the infamous Freddy Lounds, the one who ran TattleCrime, a blog which annoyed the FBI as a whole.

“Okay,” said Layla. They walked away, bidding goodbye to them.

“I thought it would be some other drunkard bringing some random misinformation in exchange for money so that he could get even more wasted,” Alana said and Beverly laughed. 

“It happens a lot. I don’t know who put that idea in their heads?” Jack said. “Anyways, you are my team. I know not all of you are formally introduced to each other but I am going to host a dinner in three days, at my place, for you all, so that you can get acquainted,” he said that while looking at Will. 

“Free food, great!” Brian said. “It's tough cooking for a person okay? I survive on take-outs and my friends,” he said when everyone looked at him weirdly. Again. 

“Well, Brian hope I don’t disappoint.”

“Why did you suddenly call this meeting when the dinner was going to happen?” Alana asked. 

Jake looked at them gravely. “That’s because another young mother was found dead in a similar manner, last night.”

“Shouldn't you have opened with that?”

“I didn’t want them to know about it,” he said referring to Adah and Layla. “We will leave in twenty minutes, the police will clear up their work by then.” 

“Well, so much for having an uneventful Sunday,” Alana commented to Will who touched her shoulder and laughed. 


	7. PART 1 - chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last of the filler chapters. Next one will be a proper one loves

Will stood in front of the corpse. There was a line starting at her throat which ended at the other side of her navel. The clothes were bloody and her head was turned to her right side, her eyes closed. Whoever killed her waited to see her die and then punctuated their crime by the shutting of her eyes. A certain sense of finality. 

He walked around the corpse, preparing his mind. The distant sounds of sirens and people dissolved and his brain sharpened itself like a knife, ready to cut open the casket of memories which hovered around him. 

_A firm hand, someone experienced. A man. He had definitely done this before. A knife, something old; it’s purpose was to kill, to butcher. A child crying nearby. Where did the child go_? 

“Are you alright?” He heard Alana before he could see her properly. 

“A child.”

“What?”

“Where’s her child?” He asked, getting up. His head hurt. 

Jack came forward and held Will’s hand and helped him sit. He was in the back of a van, and the site was cleared of police. It was just them now. 

“You passed out all of a sudden,” Jake said. 

“Yeah, I can make that much out,” Will said, feeling a sharp pain in his head. “What happened to her child?”

“His godmother, her best friend has him now.”

Will nodded. He got out of the van and stood with the team, looking at the body which was packed and on it’s way to the lab. 

“I think you should go home and rest Will, we will pick up where we left tomorrow morning. Whatever you gathered from there, just remember it and tell us tomorrow,” Jack said, indicating he cared for Will’s well being but also that he could be professional when required. This equation of theirs was what had made them stand against so many painful cases in the past. 

Alana walked Will to his car. “Are you okay with driving?” 

Will nodded. 

“There’s some development which Jack thought I should let you know of,” she said. Will leaned against his car, an indication for her to go on.

“Since this is a complicated case and we have a lot of suspects at least until now, we have brought Dr Hannibal Lecter on board too. He is a great criminal profiler and we think it would do us good.”

Will felt a sudden rush at Hannibal’s mention. He remembered Sunday, he remembered the warm sun. Their conversation. 

“That sounds great. Will he be at the dinner on Wednesday too?” He asked.

“I think so?” Alana said, certainly not expecting that kind of a query. 

Will nodded. He hugged her lightly and got in his car. “Take care Alana, see you tomorrow.”

“See you Will.”

\-----

Will took off his glasses and put his notebook on the table. He did not turn the lamp off. Writing down his thoughts about the case on paper did make his head feel lighter but the thing which remained was a new need he had developed sometime after his meeting with Hannibal the previous day. It felt like he was unearthing a new layer of himself which he always hoped was in him but he never thought he would be able to express it. People were usually a disappointment. Demanding, confused, misunderstanding. 

He opened his phone and went straight to contacts. Dr Hannibal Lecter, the name stared right back at him. A little touch and he would be able to hear his voice. Maybe. He would have gone to bed by now. He looked at it until his screen shut on it’s own, his own tired reflection looking at him accusingly. He felt cold suddenly. 

He turned the lights off. 

_The killer_

_A MAN_

_He has/had a goal_

_Maybe he’s done with it_

_He works an odd job, something which no one would recognise easily something not important but also niche_

_Does not have a mother (unsure)_

\------

Hannibal looked at his schedule for the next day. Going to the FBI, to work on a case. And then just one person to see. Just the one. He settled in bed and thought of Will Graham, and how he was going to meet him tomorrow, in front of other people. 

It was still a little surprising, the way Hannibal was when it came to Will. He didn't know he still had the capacity to be surprised, to be honest. But suddenly, everything seemed possible. 

He switched off the lights and let the moon lull him to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it <3


	8. PART 1 - chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you ever feel like this is the worst fic ever and that they'd never talk like this and this is so off the tangent? Yeah...  
> But anyways, I do have to complete it I can't just abandon every project right

Will entered the meeting room and was met with a board full of photos and maps. Jack and Hannibal were sitting together, looking at something in the binder Layla and Adah had left behind. Hannibal looked up and their eyes met. 

"Good morning Will, hope you slept well,"he said. 

"You both know each other?" Jack asked. 

"We met at a party," Hannibal said, not breaking away from the gaze. Will nodded. 

"That's surprising. Will going to a party I mean," Jack said. 

"Life is but to surprise," Hannibal looked at him, with a grin. 

Will walked in and stood in front of the board. He looked at the victims, eight of them now. Straight black hair, tired eyes, all new mothers. The murderer clearly had a system. 

"So Will, what did you gather yesterday, before you passed out?" Jack asked him, while walking up to stand next to him. 

"Why did you pass out?" Hannibal asked, curious. 

"He's an empath, he can build up the crime scene in his head and give us the exact workings of the crime. That's his gift and also his curse, it's the reason why he's a special officer and not a regular at the FBI. He loses consciousness whenever he works too hard or is tired."

Hannibal was listening to Jack but looking at Will who was staring back at him. He walked up to the former and stood next to him. "Hope you are feeling better now," he said softly. 

"I am," Will replied, in the same tone. And then a little loudly, "I am happy being a non FBI agent."

Jack laughed. 

"Let's have everyone come in, then I can tell you," Will said and Jack assented.

Beverly bid farewell to Adah and Layla, who had come in to see the dead body and the procedure. She walked in the door and sat down, clearly exhausted after the three very intense hours of prodding the cadaver. Brian and Jimmy were already seated.

Will began telling them what all he knew. 

“It’s a man who is doing this. He has firm hands, he’s definitely experienced, when it comes to such things. Safe to say, he is behind the other murders too. The pattern is the same, the body slit open from throat to their abdomen. He either loves his mother a lot or she has scarred him so much that he is unable to get out of this frame of mind.”

“Mommy issues,” Beverly scoffed. “Such a pussy reason.”

Will gave a short laugh. “Indeed, a pussy reason. There is specifically a pattern, and he had a goal in his mind. Maybe he’s done with it, maybe he’s not. There’s one way of knowing it. Do we have the photos of the bodies as they were found?”

Beverly gave him the photos. He looked at them. He felt Hanniba standing next to him, looking at the photos and then looking at him. He was determined to not look back at him. He observed all the photos.

“This was his final victim,” he declared.

“Why?” Jack asked. 

“None of the other women’s eyes are closed. He closed the eyes of the last one, as a punctuation.A period.”

The team gathered around the table and passed the photos around. 

“It’s going to be a little difficult to catch him then, since he’s done with it,” Brian commented.

“Difficult yes, impossible, no. Do you all have faith in your skills?” Jake asked, but everyone knew it wasn’t a question. 

“What have your team found?” Will asked, looking at Beverly. 

“No fingerprints, but some hair strands, and a cigarette which he put out on her body and threw right next to her feet. We still have a little more prodding and groping to do, but I thought it'd be better if we sent the two back, in case they found new material for their podcast and we had to deal with three Freddy Lounds now,” she said referring to Adah and Layla. “Although I have to say, Layla was squirming but Adah, they were very much interested and did not bat an eyelid even once.”

“They actually signed an agreement which stated if they mentioned this case to other people in any way, shape or form, they could be sued. Since they are not actual journalists like Lounds, whose credibility I still very much doubt, they have no right to do so anyways,” Alana said. 

So it was decided. Will would go with Jack, Alana and Hannibal to interview the godmother, Freya Wilkins. Beverly, Brian and Jimmy would continue assessing the body. Hannibal sat next to Will in the backseat of Jake’s car.

“So, Doctor, what do you think?” Jack asked.

“The mother theory has a lot of things to back it up. All the victims look similar, and I am sure the killer must have done intense research.”

“Is it a psychopath we’re looking at?”

“Perhaps. Maybe he’s trying to prove something. What do you think Will?” Hannibal turned to Will who had been listening to them silently. 

“I think he was trying to send out a message, to someone in particular.”

“His mother.”

“His mother.”

They reached the small suburban house and waited for Freya Wilkins to let them in. A small woman opened the door, a baby in her arms. 

“Good afternoon I am Officer Jack Crawford from the FBI with my team. We would like to ask you a few questions.” 

“Please come in,” she let them in. 

Her house was small but well maintained. A lot of books, certificates and art pieces adorned her gray walls. The only thing which seemed out of place were the toys on the floor, the only colour in the muted house. She seated them and sat across them on a chair, putting the baby down on the floor who crawled up to Hannibal, who picked him up. 

“We are sorry for your loss,” Jack said. “But we really need you to answer our questions so that we can catch whoever did it.” 

“Yes, I understand,” she said.

“Are you an academic perhaps?” Hannibal asked.

“Yeah, I was a professor at King’s College until I got in an accident. Now I teach at the community college since it’s closer to home. Currently I am on a leave.”

“What do you teach?”

“Anthropology.”

“That’s a dignified subject.”

“Thank you, not a lot of people take it seriously,” she said, smiling slightly. Hannibal returned her smile. 

Will looked at him, holding the baby, looking at Freya. Somehow he could picture Hannibal being a regular man, having a wife, a child, having his practise, a lawn perhaps. He indulged in the thought for a while, until Jack called his name.

“Will, do you have any questions?” 

“Yeah, who is the father?” He asked, indicating to the baby.

“Adrian’s father lives in London. Sasha and Robin, that’s his name, separated mutually.He said fatherhood wasn’t for him. He left for London last year and he’s now engaged to someone. That’s all I know.”

“So there’s no way in which he's involved in this case?” Jack asked.

Freya shook her head. “He doesn’t even know. That asshole doesn’t even check up on his own kid.”

This was followed by an uncomfortable silence.

“That’s one person off the list then,” Alana said finally. 

“When did you last hear from Sasha?” Jack asked. 

“Yesterday morning. She was supposed to come over for dinner.” 

“Did she tell you anything about where she was going?”

“To the store to buy baby food and then to the bank.” 

“Which store?”

“Frankie’s.”

After a few more questions, the team bid Freya goodbye. Everyone made their way to the car except Hannibal who stayed back to talk to her about something. He was the last to get in the car. Will looked at him, wondering if it was alright to ask what he said to her, even though he kind of knew.

“Figures she’d need some professional help to process it all,” Hannibal said to him after Jack started the car.

“Is it all professional on your part?” Will asked, surprised by how teasing it sounded. Wasn’t it wrong too, to sound so casual? They were literally dealing with murder.

“Of course it is. Not everyone is you, Will Graham,” Hannibal said and gave him a proper smile, the first that day. Will looked away. 

Jack pulled up in the FBI parking lot. "I have a meeting right now. But tomorrow morning at seven, we meet and proceed. Jimmy called me to tell me the forensic report would be ready by then."

"See you later then," Will said. The three of them stood there while Jack walked ahead and met with another officer. 

Alana turned to them. "I have to be at Baltimore for my rounds, so I will be leaving too. Take care, both of you," she said, touching Will's arm. He nodded and wished her goodnight. 

He looked at his watch, it was about to be five. 

"I was supposed to have a session today," he said. 

"You are still having it. I can drive us to the office," Hannibal replied. 

"Actually, why not just take a walk? We can have a walking session, if that's alright with you," Will suggested. 

Hannibal looked at him, and then nodded. After that brief moment of bravery in the car, he wasn't sure if Will would still be receptive, in any way possible. However, Hannibal was perfectly aware that he was just reaching to conclusions which were strictly based upon his own ideas, and even if they were right, he was looking at the exaggerated versions of them. 

They walked out of the parking lot and started walking in the lawn of the FBI institute. The sun seemed to be making her mind up, whether to stay a while or walk off, giving the sky a pinkish tint in the process. There were a couple of people milling about, all in a direction which seemed opposite to theirs. 

"The baby kept me up last night," Will said after a while. 

"You pity him."

"A bit. But it's not his fault. Mostly I feel helpless."

"Why would that be?"

"My job ends when we find the killer, which we will. Beyond that, I can't do anything."

"Even if you were able to do something, you wouldn't bring back his mother."

"I feel angry at the father."

"Indeed. He is a disgrace," Hannibal too shared Will's sentiments. 

"Is Freya married?"

"I didn't see a ring," Hannibal said. 

"So, he doesn't have a father figure," Will said, softly. 

Hannibal looked at him. This sudden urge of Will's made him picture him with a child - in a park, on a bench, playing, smiling with abandon. Hannibal liked what he saw, and felt a momentarily rush, similar to what he felt when summer arrived. 

"Do you feel like being a father figure to him?"

"Maybe," Will said and then paused, smiling ruefully. "I looked at him today and all I could think of was, no child deserves such things. They are undamaged little beings whom we choose to bring in this world, and then we mould them with our incapabilities and ruin them." 

"I wholeheartedly agree with you there. It's not his fault. Although Hindus would disagree. According to certain sects in their religion, we arrive in this world with the burden of our previous lives, all the good and bad. And the way things happen to us in our present lives, the ones which we can't explain, they're because of how we were, in our previous reincarnations."

"Do you believe that?"

"It's a concept."

Will stayed silent for a while. They walked to a bench and stood for a moment, facing each other. Then they sat down, as if on cue. 

"If that concept is real, then I think I was a demon in my last life," Will said at last. 

"If that concept is real, you were just another human going through life. And now you are here yet again. I think that's the biggest punishment of it all. Returning back to this wretched place."

Will looked at Hannibal who met his gaze. They stayed that way until Hannibal smiled. A tender smile, almost on the verge of putting Hannibal's dimples on show. 

"Where do you think we go after we die?" He asked, looking straight ahead now. 

"We may cease to exist entirely, or our souls may travel places beyond the human form, or we go to hell or heaven, anything and everything I've read sounds possible, although I don't trust mankind with such things.

We create demons and gods and the concept of right and wrong and what's holy and what's devilish, all to soothe the braying of our old hearts, the question which the heart beats against - who are we, why are we here?"

Will sat with what Hannibal had said for a while. The sun was almost home and there was a sudden chillness in the air. He wondered how long they had been sitting there, but he knew whatever he guessed would be wrong. To him it felt like they had crossed time and were now sitting in a field which was free of such concepts. 

"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there," Will said. _When the soul lies down..._

Hannibal looked at him curiously. "Rumi," he said. 

"Just felt like saying it out loud," Will said. 

Hannibal nodded. They sat in silence yet again. Hannibal looked at his watch, it was fifteen minutes past six now.

"I'm sorry for keeping you longer than necessary Will. I think it's time you go home and rest, you have a rough day tomorrow," Hannibal said. 

Will looked at his watch. "Yes I do. Although I'd like to explicitly establish the fact that no time spent talking to you is wasted Doctor."

Hannibal looked at his lap, the boyish charm from the party returning, somehow making Will feel an urge to run his hands through Hannibal's hair. He put the thought to the back of his head and got up. 

"I have to go grocery shopping right now," he said. He didn't tell him that he was too overwhelmed on Sunday to do anything else.

"Then we better leave." Hannibal got up and they made their way back to the parking lot. Will waited until Hannibal got in his car. He then bent down to wish him goodnight. 

"When the soul lies down in that grass, the world is too full to talk about," Hannibal said and started his car. 

Will felt the warm feeling from Sunday return, only with an intensity which was anew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading ! <3


	9. PART 1 - chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hate the ao3 webpage somehow, it's so not pretty  
> anyways, here's some more. can't believe i have to create hannigram content which caters to my specific interests so that i don't go crazy out because of the lacking

The next day was stressful. Busy. Will and Jack waited for the forensic team to present the report, pacing outside their lab. 

Beverly walked out with Jimmy and Brian in tow. 

“All of them died the same way. A cut from the base of their throat down their navel, stopping just short of their genitalia,” Beverly began. Jack appreciated it when people cut to the chase. 

“It was a very clumsy hand in the beginning but by the end you can see it wasn’t something foreign for the killer,” Jimmy added. 

After filling them in on the other details they decided what the next course of action should be.

“I say we call Adah and Layla and ask them to pass us the contact details of the relative who emailed them, the one with the stalker story,” Brian suggested.

“Good idea Brian, why don’t you handle that part since they were around you and would feel comfortable parting with the details with you,” Jack told them.

“I am going to ask the interns team to gather cctv footage from the places Freya mentioned Sasha had gone to and all the routes she could have possibly covered..”

In an hour, they had contacted Jeremy Olsen, Evanna Olsen’s cousin who said he was willing to meet them at the office. He was a well built guy with a frown. He was wearing a t-shirt which clung to his body and jeans. He walked in and sat down. Jack offered him coffee but he declined. 

“It’s been years,” he said.

“It has been. We hope you will give us all the information you have,” Jack said, sitting in front of him.

“Yes, everything suspicious about this stalker, and anything else too which didn’t fit the picture.”

Jeremy nodded. He looked at the varied assortment of people on the other side of the glass.

“I thought it would be a one way window where they’d be able to see me and I would think it’s a mirror,” he commented.

“This isn’t an investigation room. We are sorry to disappoint.”

“Oh no, nothing of that sorts, I am just nervous.”

“Understandable, please take your time to steady yourself.”

Jeremy nodded. And then, he began.

“Had a restraining order against James Blake, he knew her since high school, even painted her face on one side of his van,” Alana said. 

“Such a pathetic little man,” Hannibal commented.

“Is there a cure for obsession, doctor?” Will asked, half jokingly.

“Get consumed or develop a certain hatefulness for it,” he said, looking at Will, smiling. 

The three of them were again driving with Jack, this time to meet James Blake. Jeremy had told them about his whereabouts and everything else he could. How he once made a shrine for Evanna, how he slept outside their house for a week straight, just far enough to comply with the restraining order. Will thought this was one of the most lowly ways to exist. But then wasn’t this just a sicker form of unrequited love? But it was a man they were talking about and all the things he did clearly stated this was harassment. Love never puts the loved one at stake. 

They pulled up in front of a small house, clearly decades old. They walked up to the door, Alana knocked. 

A man in his underwear opened the door. Alana stepped behind Will, averting her eyes, an audible scoff escaping her. 

“Who are you?” he said, his voice hoarse.

“FBI.”

The man’s eyes widened. 

“James Blake?” 

He nodded.

They entered the house. “Put on something and sit down,” Jack commanded. 

He complied. “What is this about?”

“Evanna Olsen.”

A shadow passed across James’s face, and he nodded. “Someone else got murdered exactly the way she did right?”

“How do you know about that?” Will asked.

“I have internet access you know,” he said sarcastically and then paused. “Sorry. I have always kept a lookout for similar murders, I don’t know why.”

“Where were you the day she was murdered?”

“I was at St Mary’s hospital with my mother.”

“Do you have an alibi?”

“No. But you can always contact the hospital,” he said.

“What about your mother?” Alana asked.

“She died that very night. Was suffering from ulcers and had always been a weak sort.”

“We’re sorry about that,” Jack said. “But why were you stalking Evanna? It automatically makes you a suspect.”

“I never harmed her. I just wanted her to be my friend again.”

“Again?”

“She and I were best friends until middle school, then she started dating this guy and forgot all about me. Everyone used to make fun of me because I was skinny and poor. This house is the only thing my mother and I were left with when our father died, as he left us to deal with his debts from fishy sources. Evanna never left my side and said I was a nice person and her best friend. And after she started dating that guy, Rick... his father worked for the mayor, she turned mean. She started ignoring me,” he said, looking down. 

The four of them shared a look amongst themselves. 

“How did you deal with her death?”

“I was heartbroken. And I got to know about it a day late, after I was done cremating my mother, in the news. Her family didn’t even think of informing me face to face. I didn’t get out of bed for three days. Would have stayed longer if the police hadn't come in and broken my door and arrested me without a warrant. Fucking bastards.”

“The family ratted you out?”

“Yeah they said I was the primary suspect. They went through the hospital cctv recordings and asked the staff and only then they let me go. I haven’t done it. Trust me,” he said. 

Jack nodded. “Fine.”

“What happened after all of that?” Will asked. 

“I felt alone and abandoned. And then all of a sudden, I realised I was alive, I still had stuff to do. Got myself a job at a warehouse, got through night school and now I have a regular office job, and healthcare too.”

“Sounds like you have drastically changed your life. Even then, if you ever feel lost, do not hesitate in seeking therapy,” Alana said and Hannibal nodded.

They walked out of his house and made their way back to the FBI headquarters.

“Such a weird man,” Hannibal commented. They all laughed a little, still confused by him. 

“He hasn’t done it, I think we can strike him out,‘ Will said. 

“Yeah, I mean he could barely wear clothes,” Alana said. 

“I’ll call Jeremy and let him know that it’s not James Blake,” Jack said.

They dropped Hannibal off in front of his house. According to him, he had a new patient. “Remember doctor, dinner at 8 tonight,” Jack said.

“Will be there with wine,” he said. “Goodbye Will, hope I see you at dinner.”

“Certainly, doctor,” Will said, smiling, The idea that he was going to see Hannibal again in a few hours made him feel quite better. Maybe this is the kind of feeling he missed to experience when he was in his teens. It was juvenile, but he surrendered to it. 

He must have been smiling outwardly because Alana looked at him in the mirror and said, “I take that you are enjoying Doctor Lecter’s company.”

“He certainly has a flair for people like me,” he said.

“I am glad you like him,” she said, smiling. 

He nodded, still smiling a bit. He looked out of the window then, at people and places rushing past him, and for once, this was not a reflection of how he felt on the inside. However overstepping his boundaries it seemed like, he now had a tiny voice living in him, named Hannibal Lecter, who was a constant reassurance. Was this natural? Was he supposed to get attached to someone in this way, his therapist of all people? But then, they weren’t taking the conventional route were they? And as long as there weren’t medicines involved which made him groggy and created new problems, he was alright with it. 

Although, he was acutely aware of a tiny seed germinating in him, a seed of desire which edged him closer to Hannibal, made him want to hold the latter’s hand and sit on a park bench and watch the sun go around them, trying them in a union, marking it holy. 

The news that the stalker was no more a suspect was welcomed with groans. “I just lost money,” Jimmy said.

“Why?” Will asked.

“Well, I bet that he would be a sex offender of some sorts and Beverly said that he would be someone boring.”

Beverly smiled. “He was a stalker, he was focused on her, he wouldn't have had time to sexually harass someone else.”

“Fair enough,” Will said. Beverly laughed. 

They looked at the board which contained all the details. 

**JAMES BLAKE - not a suspect anymore**

**CCTV RECORDINGS - nothing substantial**

**EVANNA OLSEN - cousin JEREMY (Brian thinks he’s a suspect)**

**SASHA - IS FREYA A SUSPECT?**

**TO DO -**

  1. **LOOK OUT FOR OTHER RELATIVES, INTERVIEW THEM**
  2. **GO TO THE PLACES SASHA WENT TO**
  3. **FIND OUT IF SHE WAS INVOLVED IN SHADY STUFF**



  
  


“Is there any connecting link among these women? Apart from physical features?” Will asked, looking at their photos. 

“Two of them graduated from the same high school but have a three year gap in between,” Beverly said. 

"Anything else?"

"The interns are working on it."

"Do you always place bets on cases," Will asked. 

"Only if we're bored or it's too intriguing, so yeah, always," Beverly said and laughed. 

Will looked at her, her straight hair falling over her shoulders and her smile, reaching her eyes. He wondered why he had never developed a crush on her. 

"So team, we will have the interns present their latest by tomorrow afternoon. You are all free to go home, get cleaned up and come over,"Jack announced. 

Will walked out to the parking lot when Beverly caught up with him. "What did your super brain come up with for this case?"

"Nothing concrete. I just need something which will connect all the women together," he said. They were walking side by side, and Will could feel her arm brush against his. 

"Well, I'm sure you'll be able to solve it. I'll hold up my end of the bargain, poking and prodding at rotting bodies, and you keep amusing me with your intelligence," she said. They stopped in front of her car. 

"Sure, if that's what keeps you sane in this asylum," Will replied, suddenly shy. 

They stayed that way for a while; Beverly's hand on her car door handle, Will's in his pockets. 

"It's nice working with you Will. I don't think you're arrogant or crazy," she said finally. 

"It's nice knowing someone is on my side."

Beverly smiled and touched his arm lightly. "See you at the dinner."

Will nodded and opened the door for her. Their hands brushed softly, both warm, and Will thought how Hannibal Lecter's hands would feel. 

He watched the car disappear and then walked to his own. 

Hannibal rang the bell and stepped back. Jack had a beautiful house, with French windows and a stone path leading up to his rich brown door which had carvings which one could easily miss after daylight. 

Bella opened the door. "Doctor Hannibal Lecter, please come in," she said. 

"Should I be concerned you recognise me without seeing me even once?" He asked, handing her the bottle of wine. 

"Only if you think I'm some creep. Jack described you, and you are unmissable. I could recognise you in a group of strangers, sophistication is an invisible cape around you," she remarked, smiling. 

"Let's switch this dynamic. Let  _ me  _ talk about how beautiful you look. This blue looks richer when it's on you," he said, referring to her blue wrap dress. 

"Stop flirting with my wife doctor," Jack appeared in the living room, a spoon in his hand. 

"I know you're not the least bit threatened," Hannibal replied, grinning. 

"Of course, she has developed a taste for the rugged. You're too refined."

"Maybe that's why I'm yet to find my Bella."

"Good evening doctor," Will emerged from a room on Hannibal's left. 

"Good evening Will, I'm surprised to see you own something in that shade," he said, referring to the dust rose shirt Will had on. 

"Anything which doesn't make me look like a vampire, I buy that," he said. "This was an accidental but. I was supposed to click on navy blue but I forgot to do so, and now here we are, standing in my boss's house, hearing me ramble about it."

"This is how we learn things about you Will," Jack said. "Come on in both of you." He held Bella's hand and walked inside.

Hannibal walked up to Will and put his hands on his collar, adjusting them. "You look nice," he said.

Will fought the urge to put his own hands on Hannibal's. The side of the latter's hands were touching his jaws, and he could feel a sensation run throughout his head. They stood like that for at least ten seconds, and that's when the bell rang again. They broke apart, Will almost reeling. He felt pathetic for acting like this. But he was now clearly aware how touch starved he was. 

Maybe that thought coupled with him still recovering from standing so intimately with Hannibal made him hug Beverly back when she did that as soon as she entered the house. This was his first non-Alana hug in months. He was already told cuddling with his dogs didn't count. 

Beverly then moved on to Hannibal. She hugged him and he complied.

"I'm sorry for doing this doctor but I kind of got nervous and hugged Will so now I have to do this so that he doesn't think I'm weird," she whispered in his ear. She had a jasmine perfume on, which was really calming after whatever woody and dizzying concoction Will had dipped himself into. 

"It's alright. I like your perfume," he said. She broke away from him and thanked him. 

In less than ten minutes, everyone had arrived and was seated. 

"Before we begin, I have an announcement," Jack said. "I know you all must be thinking this is one case which you are working on together, but it's not. We are thinking of reopening certain promising cases and I wanted a permanent team for that, so get ready for that."

"To digging up bodies." Brian toasted

“Indeed.” Jack said, and gestured to them to start eating. 

“It was a beautiful dinner, thanks for having us,” Alana said, and the group echoed the sentiments in varying phrases. 

“I am glad we started on the right foot, now none of you can blame me for overworking you,” Jack joked.

“Or you could just not overwork them,” Bell said, touching Jack’s arm. 

They hugged, and wished each other goodnight and walked out in the driveway. 

“Margot’s home,” Alana said, and bid them goodbye.

Brian and Jimmy followed suit. Apparently they carpooled everywhere. 

“Their codependency makes it easier for them to communicate with each other, but it’s also worrying,” Beverly said, the only one left behind apart from Will and Hannibal. 

“Are they lovers?” Hannibal asked. Will looked at him. If someone else had posed the question that way, he would have certainly laughed in their faces (in moments like these he too was convinced that he indeed was an arrogant jerk) but the way the word lovers rolled off Hannibal’s tongue, it seemed so natural. He wanted him to say it again. 

“I have had my doubts, but I don’t think so,” Beverly replied. “Jimmy was married for a while but his wife left him because of his work and his enthusiasm towards it, or the lack of it towards her. But they both are thick as thieves.”

Beverly looked at Will to see if he was listening and he smiled. “He’s awfully good at what he does, so I think it’s alright,” he replied. 

“Work cannot fulfill the duties of a companion, nor can it provide you with fulfillment. That is one thing which I have learned over the past few years,” Hannibal said resolutely. 

Will looked at him looking back at him, and he felt seen. It was true, he used the excuse of work to shy away from any potential “lovers,” but he also kept hoping that one day he would find what he wanted without stepping out of his head. Sounded scary coming from someone else. 

“I agree with you, however, I keep meeting terrible guys, so I have stopped for now,” Beverly said, and Hannibal caught her looking at Will as she said that. He looked at him too, his pink shirt awash with moonlight, a cherry blossom, half wilted. He wanted to touch his jaw again, the firmness of it a proof that Hannibal too existed in this reality. 

“Keep looking Beverly, you will find the one,” he said. 

“Kind of you to say doctor,” she said. “Anyways, I should get going. Goodnight you too. See you tomorrow Will.” She touched his shoulder lightly and he put his other hand on hers. She smiled. He opened the car door for her, again.

“Thank you,” she said.

The pair looked at her drive away. 

“What are you going to do now doctor?” he asked. 

“Drive home, change into something else, read perhaps.”

Will nodded. Where were the words to convey that he wanted to stay with him a little longer. 

“Can I trouble you for some coffee yet again?”

“As far as my memory goes, you didn’t trouble me the last time,” he replied, smiling. “You’re always welcome to my place, please.”

“Tonight will have to do,” he said.

“See you at my place Will,” Hannibal said and got in his car.

Will followed him with his. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please eat ! and drink water! stay safe ! <3


	10. PART 1 - chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rushed, sorry! but had to get this out of the way since the last chapter was a little incomplete

Will was again seated on the comfortable maroon sofa, a cup of coffee in his hands. The room was colder than last time, but the lighting was warm. 

“How are your dogs?” Hannibal asked, sitting across from him.

“They are fine. Must be asleep by now. They get up whenever I reach home, no matter how odd the hour.”

“It’s a lovely feeling having someone wait for you at home,” Hannibal said.

“Sometimes it gets a little too slobbery, but yes,” Will joked. Hannibal laughed. “How was your day today?”

“It was alright. Have a new patient now.”

“Freya,” Will voiced out what he heard within.

Hannibal nodded. 

“Do you think she’s a suspect?”

“No,” he said. 

They were quiet for a while. Hannibal had his shirt rolled up again, and Will noticed a scar,a stitch running across his left forearm. 

“Freya wanted to know if I knew any women therapists.”

Hannibal watched Will’s face as he said that. He was unsure about him reasoning with Will, it didn’t matter in any way. But he somehow wanted Will to know. Something. 

“Alana Bloom, Bedelia du Maurier,” Will said.

“I recommended the latter. Someone who isn’t involved with this case.”

“That sounds like a wise choice.”

Hannibal raised his eyebrows slightly, as a sign of acknowledgement. 

“How are you Will?”

“The usual.”

“Define usual.”

“Tired. Don’t feel like going home. Don’t think it’s worth it, all of this. The women are dead anyways.” Hannibal looked at his hands, and downed the rest of the coffee with the words that were on the verge of escaping his lips. _ Stay here instead.  _

“What are you planning on doing?”

“Going home, thinking about this for a while, waking up, going back to do what I do everyday.”

“Do you feel like indulging me right now Will?”

Will nodded. 

“Think of a companion.”

“Anyone?”

Hannibal nodded. A wild hope fluttering away in his heart like a bird. 

“I can’t just do it like that,” Will said. 

“What do you think of Beverly Katz?”

“She is nice. Has surprisingly soft hands.”

“Has she hinted any romantic inclination towards you?”

“I don’t like to think of that,” Will shook his head.

“I think she is a nice person, gets your work, you can have a date in your lunchroom. Is there a lunchroom at the FBI?”

“Are you trying to set me up with Beverly?” Will asked, half amused and half confused.

“I am just being a friend.”

“You’re also being weird right now Doctor.”

“Hannibal, please.” 

“You’re being weird Hannibal.”

“Let’s move on shall we? Imagine Beverly, and picture a life with her.”

“I can’t. It seems like I am violating her privacy somehow.”

“Understandable. Ask her out in real life then,” Hannibal said and got up. He took Will’s cup and took it to the kitchen. He did not know what he was doing. 

“Why are you forcing me?”

“I am merely suggesting. She is interested in you. If you harbour similar feelings for her, go for it. You deserve a companion.”

“You do know that I can say the same for you, right?”

“But you will not, this is about you,” Hannibal grinned.

Will just smiled back. “I will not take more of your time, I should get going now.” 

“You can stay for as long as you want.” Not what he wanted to say, but close enough.

“I will remember that when I have no dogs to go back to.”

“Drive safe Will. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight Hannibal.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a good day mwah <3


	11. PART 1 - chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am projecting my teenage insecurities because of my stupid crushes on all the people mentioned in this chapter-ish (yes yes a little incomplete but if i didn't post this right now my brain wouldn't let me write more)

“Three of them shopped at the same maternity store. Two of them have the same pediatrician. Four of them consulted the same maternity doctor at least once. Two of them have the same lamaze instructor,” Beverly put a file on the table and summed it up. Will opened it and looked at it. This still did not prove anything. 

It was a cold Thursday, and someone had left the window open. Will got up and closed it. He saw Freddy Lounds standing near the fountain, chewing Alana’s ear off. But he knew she would get nothing. Alana was one tough person to get through. 

“So our venn diagram sort of looks like a geometric pattern, with no meaning.”

“Well, it’s a start.”

“Any fingerprints or something?” 

Beverly shook her head. “The other bodies don’t exist, the only thing we found was a broken nail on Evanna’s body, but nothing else on any other body, not even this one. Although, I think the last forensic team was fired for being drunk so we might have missed something in that,” she said.

“Yeah, I’ve heard.”

“We scourged the entire body but nothing specific or important, so,” she shrugged. 

“I still think there is something connecting all of these women together. Something so obvious.”

Beverly came and stood next to him, looking at the file. Will was aware of their proximity; she smelt nice. He stopped thinking whatever he was thinking and Hannibal clouded his mind. Maybe he was trying to set him up with Beverly so that he wouldn't have to talk to him as much. Maybe. 

“I am going to get coffee, want some? It’s cold,” Beverly asked him.

He nodded. 

“You alright?”

He nodded again. “Just thinking about the case.”

Beverly smiled and put her hand on his shoulder. “I bet that in a week or so, you will be done with this case.” 

Will smiled. He looked at his watch. He had twenty minutes before he had to take a class. Jack was off to attend to other cases, so they wouldn’t be able to meet. 

“I’ll walk with you, to get the coffee. Then I can go to my class.”

“That sounds good. I’ll go back to my dead body, one’s missing an eye,” Beverly said, nodding her head slightly, quite amused.

“Sounds fun, hope you win whatever bet you have this time,” he said.

“Oh I have been winning for al longtime, I think I am going to let them have this one. Would make them cooperate with me more, with me and not just between themselves,” she said referring to Brian and Jimmy. 

They walked to the cafeteria and Will smiled internally, thinking about Hannibal’s tone last night, almost condescending but also ludicrous.  _ Is there a lunchroom at the FBI?  _

He waved Beverly goodbye and walked to his class. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

  
  


Will sat in the lobby. It seemed like he was always eager to reach Hannibal’s office earlier than required. There were still ten minutes to go. He thought of how things were in his life right now. 

The usual, if one was to look at the surface, but underneath the mundanities, a ripple effect had been created, and now Will wanted it to sway his boat whichever direction it felt like. The reason behind the ripple was Hannibal and he was unsure how in such a small span of time, he was enamoured by him. That was not a word he thought he would associate with his therapist, but here he was.

Maybe it was all a mistake. He was just reading in between the lines and setting himself up for disappointment. Why was he feeling the way he was? His brain was incoherent, more than he was used to. 

The door opened and Hannibal walked out with someone.

Freya. 

Will nodded when she said hello. 

“He is such a nice man,” she said. 

“Indeed,” Will replied.

“Especially good with Adrian. Pity I had to get a babysitter for him today, but I wanted him for myself today,” she smiled.

Will smiled, however it was devoid of any general decency a smile is supposed to carry. 

“Would love to talk to you more but it’s my time to eat his ear off now,” he said, looking at Hannibal who was smiling faintly. 

She nodded. “I want to thank you for working on the case, by the way.”

“It’s a team effort,” he said tightly. 

“Of course,” Freya said and then looked at Hannibal. She took her coat from him and walked out.

The duo watched her leave. Will turned to Hannibal.

“Shall we begin, doctor?” He asked, walking inside. Hannibal followed.

“Sure, although do tell me when you eat my ear off, I think I have missed it until today,” he said, his voice full of teasing. 

_ A blue suit. A red pocket square. A heart sitting on display. Nervous hands, Will’s face contorted into a tight smile.  _

**Hannibal:** So, where shall we begin today?

**Will:** The FBI has a lunchroom. 

_ Hannibal’s face breaking into a grin.  _

**Hannibal:** How else would you keep yourself fed?

**Will:** Beverly and I were there today. Talking.

_ An attempt at getting Hannibal worked up, perhaps? Or jealous, like a schoolgirl would.  _

**Hannibal:** About work?

**Will:** It started that way.

**Hannibal:** As it does with you. 

_ A sly grin, an invitation to read into it.  _

**Will:** It’s the way things work with me I guess. 

**Hannibal:** Have the things worked out?

**Will:** Not quite, but I'm hoping it will this time. 

_ Two can read, there are so many lines to pick from. _

**Hannibal:** With Beverly?

_ A teasing tone, maybe trying to edge out a confession. _

**Will:** With Beverly, of course. 

_ Will smiling, half amused, but not at all surprised. Giving in now would only make him seem weaker and dishonest. They aren’t actually schoolkids.  _

**Hannibal:** You are completely capable of getting a relationship to work. It should be the least of your concerns. The trouble is beginning. Take the plunge Will.

_ A pause. The unsurety Will is feeling lingers in the air. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. _

**Will:** I think we should talk about something substantial for now. 

**Hannibal:** Sure.

**Will:** This case that I am working on, I'm unable to find the connecting link, the venn diagram circles.

**Hannibal:** What have you got so far?

**Will:** Some things about the killer. But nothing which would connect him outright to his victims. They all have some things in common, but it’s not adding up. I keep picturing hands, and tears and forgiveness, but nothing else. He’s sending out a message, but what is the message? 

**Hannibal:** You know what Will, sometimes it’s not about what’s inside the circles but the thread they’re made of. 

_ Will considers it for a moment.  _

**Will:** So, there’s a bigger reason. Something encompassing all of their deaths?

**Hannibal:** Yes. 

**_______________________________________________________________________________________________________**

Friday was uneventful until the afternoon. Will went fishing in the morning. He remembered when he had brought Jack with him and how the latter was a fast learner. He wondered if Hannibal would ever like to come fishing with him. He came back and fed the dogs, took a shower, called Alana. When he had eaten, he took out the binder and started looking at the cases from angles. Nothing was absurd, nothing impossible. 

He tried thinking if their names held a connection. Was someone after these women because they resembled a lover who had spurned his love? Or did they all look like his mother? That was where his mind kept going, and he was sure there was some way he could connect all the dots.

He turned to the map which had all the places where they found the bodies dotted in red. He was staring at it absentmindedly when he felt a sudden burst of knowledge. 

The bodies formed the arrangement of the Big Dipper. 

Eight bodies, sprawled across the map, in the shape of the constellation. 

He called Hannibal, on an impulse. He wondered if the latter would invite him over for a late lunch. He could ask him to come over too. 

“Hello Will, how are you?” Hannibal said.

“The bodies are forming the Big Dipper. I am sure this is it. This was his massage. To his mother,” he was surprised how excited he sounded. 

“Congratulations, although it shouldn’t come as a surprise, since you are good at your job.”

“Couldn’t have done it this time without our conversation yesterday,” he said. He heard background noise which was a little surprising seeing how Hannibal was mostly in solitude. He could hear a baby. Adrian.

“You are giving me unneeded credit,” Hannibal said. Will could picture him smiling. “I would love to talk about it but you will have to excuse me right now Will, Iam with Freya.”

Will nodded and then caught himself. “Yes sure. Talk to you later.”

He hung up without hearing Hannibal.

He called Jack then, who congratulated him heartily. “Major roadblock gone from our way, we are closer to the killer than we were yesterday. I can feel it Will. Meet me tomorrow so that we can work on this. Also, I need your help on a few more recent cases. I know I am exploiting you but I want to catch those bastards as soon as I can.”

“If they’re recent it will be a lot easier than this one. See you tomorrow, Jack.”

The remains of the day were spent drinking and taking the dogs out on a walk. Was Hannibal enticed only by Adrian or did he like Freya? She was a smart woman, from an educational background, she had nice hair - Will wouldn’t be surprised if Hannibal was attracted to her. 

But somehow, he was feeling a wicked feeling - something he wasn’t sure he should have been experiencing. Jealousy? Anger? What for? Maybe he was too tired because of the case and he wasn’t able to comprehend what his brain was thinking.

Maybe a baby is what Hannibal needed. But then, Will wasn’t the therapist. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________

After hanging up with Will, Hannibal returned to Freya who was tickling Adrian. He smiled as he saw the baby giggle. 

“Will Graham?” Freya asked.

Hannibal nodded. “How’d you know?”

“I have only seen you alone with him. Took a wild guess actually.”

“I like to have a limited amount of friends.”

“Don’t limit yourself too much, or only to friends,” Freya said and Hannibal looked at her in a way which encouraged her to continue. 

“Sasha was my closest friend. I thought nothing and no one could come between us. I foolishly thought that she and I would be friends, and alive, for a long time. 

And then her stupid boyfriend came in between. Abandoned her, made her experience some truly low points in her life. It was horrible. And then, of course. ..” she looked at Hannibal, who nodded. He held her hand which was resting lightly on top of Adrian’s stomach. 

“Were you in love with her?” he asked. 

Freya nodded. “I always thought when time would be right, I’d let her know. Tell her I had no expectations, didn’t want her to reciprocate either, but I just wanted her to know that someone out there would always be rooting for her, thinking of her in the kindest manner possible. But of course, that as a foolish thought.”

“Oftentimes we think there will be a warmer day, but we forget we are owed to the sun’s whims and fancies, not the other way round.”

Freya nodded. “I don’t get it entirely, but yes.”

They sat in silence for a while, as the sun started to set. 

“I was also childishly holding onto the promise we made ourselves a drunk night eight years ago- that if we have no one by the time we are in our forties, we’d marry each other. Silly I know, but not when you are in love, you hold on to the slightest of hope, the wispiest of threads.”

“Holding onto the rope of hope is how humanity has climbed this top of the hill. It’s never going to go away and it is never going to be silly.”

“You are a romantic at heart, I hope you find the one you love,” she said. 

Hannibal just smiled lightly. 

Driving back home, he thought of calling Will, but he was unsure of what to say. He was caught off guard by his excited voice earlier during the day. If he hadn't been at Freya’s he would have just sat on the floor and asked Will to describe everything he did that day until the point when he decided to call him. Just because he wanted to hear his voice - the slight quivers and muted excitement. 

Later, he stared at the phone in his hands for what could be ten minutes or even thirty, until he decided he wasn’t ready to call him yet. He would just see him on Sunday, which sounded so far away. 

That night, Hannibal fell asleep thinking of how he too had been more hopeful these days and how his yearnings were pinned onto something (someone?) so improbable that they made Freya’s dreams seem normal. Except the whole murder angle. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i remember being sad once because my ex gf didn't call me on my birthday and also panicking about calling her one day, so both these idiots and their problems resonate with me (probably because I wrote it tf?)   
> also it is so weird sometimes when i write or see some stupid post about hannibal and will et al doing normal stuff? anyways, a lot of chatter today  
> thank you for reading <3


	12. PART 1- chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> probably my least favourite chapter, but bear with me please, i have a lot on my plate currently.

On Saturday, Will visited the FBI. Jack took him to three different sites and he was exhausted by the end of afternoon. 

He sat in the lecture hall, alone, looking at papers but not reading them. He had waited for Hannibal to call, which was silly itself to begin with, but the fact that he did not call made it even worse.

Jack came in while he was mulling over the embarrassing details from last night.

“Thank you for your help today, you cleared our weekend.”

“Thanks for the headache,” Will replied and Jack laughed.

“So what are you going to do about the Big Dipper case?”

Will told him his plan, which he had made the previous restless night.

He would visit all the sites. He was convinced that was the only way he would be able to put a face to the brain he was feeding off. 

Jack considered it for a minute. 

“Are you sure that is safe Will?”

Will nodded. “I will be fine.”

“I would still like to hear Alana’s take on it,” Jack said carefully.

Will gave a short laugh. “She is not my babysitter.”

“She knows you better than all of us.”

“Yeah, maybe. Sure we will ask her.”

“You are free to go now. There isn’t any mind taxing work left for me to dump on you. Take rest. Work on the other cases. See you on Monday."

“Always know whom to come to get mind fucked. Thanks Jack.”

They shook hands and Will walked out of the lecture hall. He was on the first floor, the forensic department. As if on cue, he saw Beverly standing alone, reading something from a file. He started walking towards her. He was ten steps away when she looked up.

“Will Graham, here to look at the burn victim?”

“No, it was her sister. Very movie-esque. In love with the same guy… thievery, revenge,” he said.

“Very telenovela of them.”

Will smiled. 

“Are you going downstairs?” she asked.

He nodded. 

“Do you mind me accompanying you? I have to drop these reports at Donna’s office. And maybe get some fresh air.”

“Sure.”

They started making their way down, talking about their days. 

“I heard you are on the verge of cracking the Big Dipper case.”

“Almost. Will have to visit the sites, get to know him closely. All I know is the big dipper was probably his loved one’s favourite constellation.” 

“How boring. I don’t know many constellations but still, that's the most basic one.”

Will laughed. “That’s one way to look at it. It was most probably his mother.”

“Okay, a little sad, but still boring.”

They walked in silence until they reached Donna’s office. Beverly dropped the case there and walked out. 

“So, what are you going to do now?”

“Go home, feed the dogs, think about the other cases Jack has given me as homework.”

“Well, your brain is his strength. You’re like his pokemon.”

“Probably the most apt and funny way of describing me. I was once told I am his bitch.”

“Who said it?”

“Alana.”

“Fair. She knows you more than me.”

“Second person to say that. First was Jack of course.” 

“Well it’s common knowledge that you and her dated once.”

“Yeah, I thought it would work. But no, all relationships require the same amount of work no matter how close friends you have been before it.”

“Will Graham, you really are a mess. And that too with such a good looking face.”

Will looked away, shy.

“I am assuming we’re on the same page right now or at least the same story,” he began. “I was wondering if you would like to have lunch with me tomorrow.”

Beverly looked at him, her hands in her coat pockets. Their eyes met and Will wasn’t sure if what he said was appropriate or not. Why was he acting on such a stupid impulse. What was he going to gain from it?

“Sue, I’d like that. Text me the details, okay?” she said, and did her signature gesture - touching his arm. 

He nodded and bid her goodbye. He walked out of the FBI headquarters and looked back once to see her walking back to her office. 

Sunday came, glaring at him, making him question why he was the way he was. He went fishing. Made his dogs their lunch. Checked his phone. Beverly had sent a confirmatory text ( _ see you! _ ). Still no phone call from Hannibal. 

That reminded him, he was supposed to call him and move his therapy session. 

“Doctor Hannibal Lecter’s, how may I help?” he heard his secretary.

“Hello, it is Will Graham. I won’t be able to make my 2 pm appointment today, due to something coming up. Could you inform him, and also tell me when he would be free?”

“Just a moment please,” she said and put him on hold.

It must have been just a minute before she returned. “Mr Graham he says you can visit him anytime today, no matter how late.” 

Will was surprised. “Well, okay. I will try to visit him at a decent time. Thank you.” 

He got in the shower.

Will hadn’t been on an actual date in so long that he wasn't sure how he was supposed to dress. He figured Beverly had seen him regularly and if he did anything out of the ordinary it wouldn’t probably end well. After an intense minute of deliberation, Will decided upon a checked shirt, brown sweater and a blazer. She knew him, how he was. And yet she said yes to a date with him. 

He sat on their table and waited for her. It was a small restaurant which upon entering could make one easily forget what time it was, because of the dim interiors. That suited Will as it provided them with the privacy they (Will) would need. 

In ten minutes or so, he saw her enter. She spotted him and waved, to which he replied with a short wave. 

She walked towards him. Beverly was wearing a rusty red dress and her hair was down as usual except it looked a little different; she had parted it in the middle instead of her usual sideways part. 

“This is such a nice place,” she said, settling down.

“That is such a relief to hear, I was worried you’d not like it,” Will replied, honestly. 

Beverly smiled. “Don’t worry Will, take it easy.”

He nodded. 

They must have been together for at least three hours now. They had exited the restaurant after eating and were taking a detour of the neighbourhood, talking about things. 

Will wasn't comfortable talking about his childhood. “Not a first date kind of material,” he joked. But Beverly was. She told him about her numerous siblings, all fucked up in their own ways. He told her about Winston, how it felt being in other people’s, especially criminal’s brains. 

“Sometimes I hate myself, other times I just feel like these are my own thoughts being reflected back at me and if given a chance I would commit these crimes too,” he confessed.

Beverly reflected on what he said. “As long as you are able to reel yourself back in, I think you should be fine. I heard you’re seeing a therapist now?”

“Dr Lecter.”

“He is supposed to be good.”

“Will let you know when I come out unscathed of a case,” he smiled. 

“Well, all the best with all of this. I enjoy working with you.”

“You do make working on cases asier, so thank you for that.”

“It’s okay to just hear good things about oneself Will, and not turn it into a compliment battle.”

Will laughed. He looked at his watch. It was around fifteen minutes past six. 

“Speaking of therapy, I do have a session right now.”

“Do you want me to drop you?”

“No, I have my car parked by the restaurant. Just walk with me.”

He didn’t remember when but they had begun to hold hands. He focused on the warmth of her hand, the scent of her existence next to him. He deliberated over her, the idea of them dating. Yes, he could do it. She was nice, kind, likeable. She didn’t laugh in a way which left a ringing in his ears, she paused and considered what the other person had said. She was funny. Smart.

By the time they reached his car, he had drawn up a chart about her in his head and would have asked her to be his girlfriend right there. But he wanted it to be her decision. He wanted her to reciprocate, to give a signal that this date was a success.

He was about to say something but the thought vanished before he could make anything out if it, as Beverly kissed him. She took hold of his other hand and they were standing next to his car, both hands entwined, kissing. 

She pulled back and observed him He hoped he didn’t look too stupid. At least not in the This Is My First Kiss In Months way.

“I enjoyed today,”she said.

“Me too.”

“See you tomorrow Will,” she said and planted a kiss on his cheek. He smiled. 

He got in his car and set off to Hannibal’s.

  
  
  


_ Thirty minutes past seven. A brown sweater, a changed face. Hannibal looked at Will, sitting in front of him. He wanted to ask him things. _

**Hannibal:** I hope you are alright.

**Will:** Why do you worry?

**Hannibal:** You said something came up.

**Will:** Oh yeah, a date.

_ Hannibal looks at Will, a little taken by surprise/ _

**Hannibal:** Beverly Katz?

**Will:** Yeah. Asked her out when I saw her yesterday.

_ Yesterday. When Hannibal was contemplating calling him back like a nervous child. _

**Hannibal:** Well, that’s good. 

**Will:** It went well. I kissed her. Well, she kissed me, but I was thinking about her when she did so.

**Hannibal:** Of course, it’s the same thing. To think about doing a thing and actually doing it.

_ A grin. _

**Will:** No need to be sarcastic, doctor I would have kissed her.

_ The grin returned. _

**Hannibal:** Well she beat you to it.

**Will:** There is always a next time.

**Hannibal:** Is there one, this time?

_ Carefully asked, not wanting to seem overly curious. But then he could hide it all under the facade of therapy. _

**Will:** There is. 

**Hannibal:** We should drink to that.

**Will:** Would like that, but I have to drive back home.

**Hannibal:** You could just stay here tonight.

_ How was this to be hidden under the veil of psychiatry? What was this desperate request?  _

**Will:** I have already bothered you enough.

**Hannibal:** It is never a bother with you. So, tell me about the case.

**Will:** I thought you would call back.

_ An accusation. He felt like a mean child. _

**Hannibal:** I thought so too, except I couldn’t bring myself to it.

**Will:** Why?

**Hannibal:** This is your time, we talk about you.

**Will:** You are good at avoiding things you don't want to talk about.

**Hannibal:** Two can play at this game.

**Will:** It’s not a game to me, it is just how I have built life around me.

**Hannibal:** What you have built are walls, Will.

**Will:** It is something to call mine.

**Hannibal:** It is stopping you from reaching out to things which can actually bring you joy.

**Will:** I did find today joyous.

_ Honest. _

**Hannibal:** Good for you.

_ Honest. _

**Will:** The killer made the big dipper with the bodies. That was his message. It seems like an apology.

**Hannibal:** How will you proceed now?

**Will:** Visit the sites. But before that, I have a few cases to work on with Jack, a few lectures to give. 

**Hannibal:** Well, you are closer than you were a few days ago.

**Will:** How is Freya?

_ Asked casually. Hannibal still raises his eyebrows. _

**Hannibal:** She is fine, trying to cope up

**Will:** I am sure Dr Du Maurier is helping her with it. And from what I can see, you too.

**Hannibal:** I just really like Adrian.

**Will:** That’s all?

_ A smile, leaning on the wicked side. _

**Hannibal:** Freya is a nice lady. Maybe I am making friends of my own.

_ Casually said, after all, two can play at this game. _

**Will:** Beverly isn’t exactly my friend.

_ A retort. _

**Hannibal:** Freya isn’t mine either. She just wants someone to talk to.

**Will:** Like I want someone to talk to?

_ A question. Are you the same with everyone? _

**Hannibal:** Do you?

_ Prying for the most harmless confession, which would still give him something to think about at night. _

**Will:** Yes.

**Hannibal:** Am I the one you want to talk to?

_ Something beyond the usual, Hannibal’s attempt at peeping behind Will’s high rise walls. _

**Will:** Yes.

“Thank you for your time doctor, apologies once again,”Will said, grabbing his coat.

“No worries, you are insulting me.”

“Apologies for that. Will not do it again,”Will smiled. He looked at his watch and then at Hannibal. “I have to get going now.”

“Drive safe Will.”

He nodded.

Hannibal watched him walk out of the door, he stayed there until he saw Will’s car disappear from his driveway. 

He should have called him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the conversations were so frustrating to write i was like please just kiss or something lol


	13. PART 1- chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is such a weak chapter, I personally dislike it. But bear with me please, because I promise the others will be better and filled with more plot. It was a tough week and this was such an uninspiring chapter to write about. In my head they are already bareback on the floor

Monday was busy. Jack sent teams to the maternity store, the lamaze class and the doctor, but to no avail. Will taught his class, and had dinner with Alana and Margot. 

On returning home, he passed Freya’s house. On an impulse, he stopped in front of it. He waited for a minute before getting out of the car and walking up to her door.

She opened the door. 

“I was expecting pizza,” she said, visibly surprised.

“I am sorry to disappoint,” he said. 

“Well, come on in,” she said.

He walked in. The living room was messier than he last remembered. 

“Do you have some news about the killer?”

“No, but we are working on it.”

“I really hope you catch him soon, every day I wake up angry,” she said. “Do you care for a beer?”

“Sure,” he said. “And don’t worry, he is not far.”

She went in the kitchen to get the beer. He saw Adrian peeping at him from his crib. He walked to him.

“He’s not asleep,” he commented.

“Yeah, he’s been napping in the day and I am letting him so that I can get some work done. I know it’s bad, but I don’t want to leave him with a babysitter or something, I mean, I want him in front of me,” she said , looking at him.

Will nodded. Adrian raised his arms. Will looked at Freya for permission and she nodded. He took him in his arms and rocked him gently. 

“Please come and do that every night, I am so tired,” she said. 

He smiled. 

“You know Dr Lecter right?” she asked, after a while.

He nodded. 

“He’s a nice man, he recommended me to a good therapist.”

“Du Maurier.”

“You know her too?”

“By association,” he said. 

She nodded. “So, was there something you needed?”

“Not really,” he said. “I know this is just weird, but I was thinking about him and felt an urge to check upon him. And you, of course,” he said, still holding Adrian.

“That’s very kind of you, thank you,” she said. 

“Well, it’s getting kind of late, I will leave you to whatever you were doing,” he said and gave Adrian back to Freya. She smiled.

“Thank you, please drop in anytime to see him.”

Will nodded and walked out. 

********

Tuesday. A murder in one of the stores, all the cameras were smashed. 

“People are so reckless while killing people these days,” Beverly said, examining a shard of glass which was stuck to the body. 

Will walked around the supermarket, asking questions about the owner.

It took him an hour to gather all the facts and weave a truth. 

“He was murdered by his nephew. That delinquent was in dire need of money and he knew his old uncle was the one who had some cash handy. He was probably under some influence.”

“Why did they drag you here for such a silly case?” Beverly asked. 

Will shrugged. “It’s alright.”

“Are you free tonight?” She asked, as they walked to the van.

Will remembered he was supposed to meet Hannibal today. He had two lectures to give before that. But then,. Wasn’t this what Hannibal had suggested? 

“Yes, I am free after five,” he said. 

He called Dr Lecter’s secretary and let her know that he would be stuck at work. 

“I will let him know,” she said. He thanked her and made his way to his class.

Hannibal looked at the watch. He was done for the day because Will Graham decided to not come. Hanniba realised this was unfair on his part, thinking Will was doing it deliberately, for a lot of easons. First off, he was a busy man and he was entitled to not coming for his therapy sessions, for any reason whatsoever. Lastly, Hannibal was overthinking this, making the situation something else in his head, and it was more than obvious Will Graham didn’t think that way. Probably. 

He asked Bedelia if she wanted to eat with him that night.

******

Wednesday. Lectures. He met Beverly again that night, at her place. He was uncomfortable at first but talking to her, and pretending Hannibal was guiding him through it helped. Was it weird, yes, but if this is how he had to go about with things in order to not freak others out, so be it.

She was telling him some story from when she was in college, about how her roommate’s boyfriend freaked out when he accidentally held a skull while making out with his girlfriend.

“I am not sure what he was thinking it to be, but the way he fondled it was very disturbing,” she said.

“I can only picture it,” he said.

They sat on the sofa together, Will’s hands loosely clasped. 

“How are things?” Beverly asked.

“Stressful. The students are eager to learn but I think my nervousness may come as a hindrance since I am bad at one on one interactions.”

“You really don’t have to worry, I am pretty sure half the class has got a crush on you, so they’d be even more tight lipped than you,” she said. He smiled awkwardly. 

“How are things with you?” 

“Can we just kiss?” She asked.

He nodded.

Hannibal ordered new suits. Went to the butchers. Picked up two more patients. If he was into it, he would have cleaned his entire house. 

“I wasn’t expecting you to have a skull in your bedroom even now,” Will said, afterwards, laying next to Beverly. Her hair was spread all over her pillow and her lipstick was almost gone. He touched her lips on an impulse. “Well at least you didn’t start fondling it.”

******

Thursday. An old lady and her grandson were murdered and left in her car. Jack asked Will to meet him whenever he could. He finished his lectures and drove to the crime scene, the garage. 

Hannibal knew Will wouldn’t be there today either. 

“Drinks on me,” Jack said.

“It’s Thursday,” Jimmy said.

“If the Europeans can have Little Saturday, we sure as hell can have Little Friday.”

Will called Hannibal’s secretary again.

  
  



	14. PART 1- chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> where is this story going? aaaaa what am i doing? but yeah, hope you like it. will post substantial stuff after i am done rewatching hannibal for nye. happy new year angels, take care 💕

Friday came and Hannibal’s restlessness grew. He wasn’t sure if his calling Will would be indecent, afterall the latter was his patient and it was his job to check up on him? But, their’s wasn’t a conventional relationship. Even then it wasn’t the kind where he could call Will and hang up after hearing his voice. Rotary phones were out of rotation long ago. 

He was sitting on his breakfast table, wondering how to contact Will without seeming clingy or downright weird, after all they were new acquaintances. Even if Hannibal had certain feelings growing inside of him, taking hold of his entire being, the common ground upon which they walked, for the world to see was of a therapist and client. That wasn’t even a matter of concern for Hannibal, all he wanted to know was what Will thought; because Hannibal wanted more of him, but sometimes such attempts end up creating distances. 

Maybe he was letting go of his cynic self, but it certainly was something new. Bedelia would be pleasantly surprised. 

And maybe this is why the universe decided to help him. Jack Crawford called him, asking if he was free and would be able to drive to the FBI head office in an hour. 

“It’s been a week now, and I think we should start taking this seriously. We have exhausted all our options except the one which I suggested,” Will said. 

“I would like to consult a few people before letting you take that step,” Jack said, “you know how exhausted you get.”

“Doesn’t mean I should stop doing my job.”

“I am not asking you to do that, I just want us to do it the right way.”

Will was confused, he wasn’t sure what Jack was exactly talking about. They sat in his office, evidently waiting for someone. 

When Will turned around to see who entered, he didn't even bat an eyelid upon seeing Hannibal, accompanied by Alana Bloom.

Hannibal walked ahead and shook hands with Jack. Will looked at him, in his blue suit, his hair a little messy, it must be windy outside. Hannibal returned his gaze, neither of them saying anything. 

“So, what plan has Will come up with this time which will put him at risk?” Alana asked. 

Jack told them about his plan to visit the sites, and how all other options had turned out to be futile.

“What do you think Dr Bloom, should we let him go?” Jack asked. 

“If someone accompanies him, then only he should be allowed,” she said. “I am not stating that you are incapable in any way Will, I just think it would be better to have company.”

He nodded. “Who will be willing to waste at least four days of their lives?”

“I can accompany him,” Hannibal said. All of them looked at him. 

“So that’s sorted then,” Jack said, ever so practical. 

“I think we should ask Will if he is comfortable with that first,” Hannibal stated, looking at Will. 

Will looked at his face, devoid of any expression except a mild smile playing on Hannibal’s face. He wasn’t sure what he was implying, but it gave Will a rush which he hadn’t felt in a while. 

He nodded. “I don’t mind.”

“So it’s _ finally _ settled,” Jack said and they smiled. 

*******

It  _ was _ windy. They stood in the parking lot alone, yet again. How many days had it been since they had last stood here and walked to the end of the earth? 

“Thank you for accompanying me, although I feel like I owe you an apology,” Will said.

_ You owe me an explanation _ . “No, it’s alright, I felt like being of help,” Hannibal said, trying to sound casually.

“You have helped me enough Dr Lecter,” he said, shortly. 

_ Do you want me no more? _ “Doesn’t mean I cannot continue doing so.”

Will nodded. “Of course.”

They stood politely. Hannibal looked at the sun, on her way to the other end. Her glare was a mocking one. He wanted to split open and tell Will that he believed in soulmates - as a signal, as a cry for help. He looked at Will, his head hung low. He seemed to be avoiding him. Hannibal wanted to take his chin in his hand and make him look up. 

They were interrupted by Beverly Katz. 

“Hello Dr Lecter, how are you?” she asked.

“I am fine Dr Katz, hope you are well too,” Hannibal replied. 

“I have been good the past few days,” she said, looking at Will. 

That’s when Hannibal understood. The shared gaze between Will and Beverly wasn’t the professional kind anymore. This was one of the instances when Hannibal wanted to chide himself for making people do things out of their comfort zone. 

“Are you free tonight?” Beverly asked Will. 

“I am supposed to be leaving for the sites tomorrow, so I need to pack and all,” he said, trying his best to not look at Hannibal. 

“Are you going alone?”

“Dr Lecter is accompanying me.”

“That’s great. I know you will find the killer,” she said. “Anyways, I have to go now, take care. Call me before leaving?”

Will nodded. She kissed him on the cheek, her hand cupping it from the other side. He wanted her to do it again, but he just smiled and held her hand lightly. She squeezed it and walked away.

“Take care Doctor.”

“You too,” Hannibal replied. 

They were now alone yet again. 

“Do you want to take a walk?” Will asked. 

“Sure,” Hannibal said. 

They walked out of the parking lot and made their way to the bench, on a shared instinct. 

“How have you been?” Hannibal asked, casually.

“Fine, you?”

“Fine. Had a lot of free hours this week, almost took to learning the guitar,” he said.

Will smiled. “I was busy.”

“Understandable.”

They walked silently until they reached the bench. As the breeze blew past them, it carried Will’s scent with a tinge of Beverly’s. Hannibal felt a jolt of rush from his head to his feet, a sudden desire; a feeling uncovering itself after years. He thought of the last time he had felt like this and how it had ended badly. There were now a lot of years and miles between him and the memory. 

This was new, this was something he wanted to get a hold of. 

They sat on the bench, looking at the people milling about.

“If you stay quiet enough, you can forget that these people exist,” Hannibal said after a while.

Will turned to him. He could see they were sitting closer than last time. 

“Do you do that often?” he asked. “Try to forget other people exist?”

“Only when I am with you,” Hannibal said, smiling. 

Will looked at him, his heart fluttering to the rhythm of the wind. Did he hallucinate what Hannibal had said? Was he joking, teasing him perhaps? 

“Does it work?” he asked, lightly.

Hannibal looked at him a long time, his head tilted. Will saw the answer in his face. 

“I slept with Beverly.” Nervousness was like alcohol. 

“Will didn’t know how to act under its influence. 

“As you should, she is an attractive lady,” Hannibal said. 

“I think I moved too fast.”

“Why did you do it?”

“Because I wanted to.”

“Then it’s alright.”

“What if I never want to do it ever again?”

“Tell that to her, and hope that she understands.”

Will looked at his hands. All of it was a mess. 

“If you want,” Hannibal continued, “I can write a very legal and official document stating my patient shouldn't sleep with people.”

Will laughed, despite himself. “Is it that easy? Will keep this in mind for future.” 

Hannibal smiled, clearly proud he made Will laugh. 

“I want you to spend the night at my place so that we can set off early tomorrow,” Will said. “We should go to your place, get your things, it’s going to be a four days thing, and then we can set off for my place.”

He nodded. “Let’s get going then.”

They got up and walked to their cars. Before sitting in his car,Will turned to Hannibal. “You still owe me two sessions Dr Lecter, I plan on covering them on this trip.” This was followed by a smile which Hannibal knew in his heart was a response to what he had said on the bench. 

He got in his car.

******   
  


Will entered Hannnibal’s house and immediately felt like something in him had settled. He felt bad for not meeting him that week. He wanted to convey to Hannibal that everything he did, he did with him sitting at the back of his head. Was it healthy? Was attachment with someone he had just met a few weeks ago reasonable, especially for someone like him, someone who was half ghost perhaps. He didn’t even know himself. But this was a feeling he loved, it seemed to be the last piece which would complete his heart. Maybe he was drunk.

“Since we are already here, I insist on us eating here before leaving for your place,” Hannibal said.

“Sure,” Will said, still in his head.

Hannibal gestured to Will to give his coat. 

He stood in the hallway, looking at the array of paintings on the walls. He walked inside, following Hannibal . They stood facing each other in the dining area.

“Please sit and make yourself comfortable. I will fix something simple,” Hannibal said.

It had been awhile since someone had cooked for him. Will nodded. 

“I hope you’re not allergic to nuts or lactose?” Hannibal said, taking his blazer off and handing Will wine. 

“I don’t think so,” Will said.

Hannibal smiled. “Shrimp linguine with lemon sauce it is then.”

“Can I be with you in the kitchen?” Will asked. 

Hannibal observed him, his face devoid of any hint about what he was thinking. “Sure.”

They entered the kitchen, Hannibal tying his apron, Will with his wine untouched. He put the pasta to boil, and started working on the shrimps. Will watched his hands, so sure of themselves. He indulged in the fantasy of a fishing rod in those hands, or perhaps a knife, gutting an animal. 

“Doesn’t it get lonely Dr Lecter?” he asked.

“When?”

“In this house, all the time, by yourself.”

“Yes.”

“What do you do about it?”

“Nothing. Invite people over for dinner, pick up a new patient and make him pasta,” he said, looking up and grinning. He looked softer in the golden light of the kitchen, like the sun while setting had left the remains of the day on him. “Little things like that.”

“I hope my company doesn’t disappoint you,” Will said,a smile on his face, something he couldn’t control. 

“Quite the contrary actually.”

Dinner was mostly quiet. They sat across from each other, the clink of the cutlery punctuating the silence. Post eating, Hannibal started packing things. Will sat in the seating area; walking inside Hannibal’s bedroom would have been impolite.

“Do you have boots Dr Lecter, the ones meant for hiking?” he called out, on an impulse.

“Yes.”

“Please keep them handy. I’d like to take you fishing tomorrow morning before we leave.”


	15. PART 1- chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, guess who is back! happy new year to you! 
> 
> i have to admit, I got tired of this story and I just wanted them to kill and eat people so I started rewatching the show and writing a bunch of one shots and all. anyways, I am back and I will finish this story, just to prove to myself that I don't abandon everything I pick up.  
> I know nothing about fishing so I used wikihow and then decided not to expand on fishing and make a fool of myself. weird, how I wanted to be an old fisherman on a japanese coast when i was young.  
> anyways, enough chatter. hope you like it!

Hannibal entered Will’s house. It was dark, and the crowd huddled near Will’s feet disconcerted him. Yes, he knew Will had dogs, but in theory. Now seeing these canines looking nothing more than dark ghosts in the nightlight, he was yet again amused by Will Graham. 

“You should leave a light on,” Hannibal commented.

“The burglars won’t be surprised when these darlings attack them,” Will said, switching the light on. Hannibal saw he had a faint smile playing on his lips. 

He took Hannibal’s bags and made his way to the guest room. 

“Were you expecting anyone?” Hannibal asked, looking at the room. The bed was well made, and he could smell the faint scent of oudh, like it had been prepared for someone.

“No,” Will said, standing next to him. “For someone who is anti social, cleaning my guest room every other day is simply weird, I know.”

“Not really, maybe you’re waiting.”

Will looked at him, his arms folded against his chest. He nodded, slowly. “Yes, makes sense.”

They sat on the couch, the dogs taking their usual positions by Will’s feet. Will was telling him about his plan for the next four days. 

“We have eight places to go to. Tomorrow we start with the closest site and then make our way to the other places. I hope to cover three places tomorrow - the supermarket, the parking lot near Wayne’s and the Wedding Chapel. We can stay in a motel for the night and start again on Sunday.”

Hannibal nodded. He had changed into a black turtleneck, and Will realised how broad his shoulders were. He seemed just in place with Will’s somber house, the walls dull, the lights blunt. 

“What are you thinking, Will?” Hannibal asked, stroking one of the dogs who was resting his head on his lap. 

“A few days ago I visited Freya, out of the blue,” he said. 

Hannibal glanced at him, one of his eyes shrouded by his hair falling sideways.

“I guess I just wanted to see Adrian. He is such a happy child. Are all children born inherently happy? I don’t think so… Anyways, she said I was welcome to visit him anytime, which was nice to know even though I don’t think I will ever go back, maybe except once, to give her the news that we caught the killer….. because we will.”

Hannibal found Will’s way of thinking quite endearing. He misled softly and Will looked away, once again his shyness on the forefront. 

“I know you will catch the killer Will.”

Will nodded.

“And we will have a lot of time to talk, but I suggest you go to sleep right now.”

“Goodnight Dr Lecter, feel free to make use of whatever you want to,” Will said and kissed all his dogs. Hannibal watched him walk to his bedroom, sat there for a while until he too went in his bedroom to sleep. 

*******

It was cold. Colder than usual, and Will was feeling bad about dragging Hannibal with him. They were standing by the stream, covered from head to toe, the morning colours just spilling in the sky. 

“I feel like a bad host right now,” Will said, taking his fishing rod out. 

“It’s alright, I don’t mind. I have always wanted to try fishing.”

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” Will commented.

“Probably,” Hannibal was smiling. 

They made their way to the stream and stood on two rocks. “I always come here,” Will gave a fishing rod to Hannibal. 

He helped him position the rod explaining things. 

Hannibal nodded at the right places, while trying to focus on the rod rather than the hand which was guiding his. 

“The one you’re holding has a 7 feet rod which is easy to handle.”

“I will try not to make a fool of myself.”

“You’ll do fine Dr Lecter, you have sturdy hands,” Will said whilst lightly brushing his own over the back of Hannibal's hand. He walked away and stood on his spot. They spent the next hour or so standing, talking about fish. Will told him all about what fishes were in season and which ones were easy to catch while he told him all about which fish tasted better while which one was an entire process to prepare.

They were making their way back to Will’s house when his phone rang. He looked at the name and without giving away anything picked up the phone. 

“I didn;t suspect you’d be so early….. I am still here…...We will leave in a while…… Thank you, will let him know too….. Take care….. I will try to text, yes…. Goodbye…. Have fun… I mean, yeah...” he faltered off at the end, smiling awkwardly. 

“Beverly Katz, I assume?” Hannibal said.

Will looked at him slightly and nodded. “I still don’t know what to say at the end.”

“Why?”

“Well, we aren’t in that stage of our relationship where a simple ‘I love you’ will cut it, it is still a big deal.”

“I think those words are always a big deal with someone you truly love. Not the act of saying it, but the feelings which come attached to it, but I digress.”

Will nodded. “I don’t think I will ever get to that stage with anyone so I need not fret about it.”

Hannibal looked at him quietly and decided to not say anything. They walked in, took off their boots.

“You can use the shower in my bedroom, the one in the guestroom has a leaky pipe. I should have fixed it but it totally slipped my mind,” Will said.

Hannibal nodded and went to his room to get his toiletries. Will fed the dogs and took out his clothes. He had already packed his bag and was now looking for a charger and other such things. He had totally forgotten about having told Hannibal about the bathroom which explained his outward surprise when Hannibal showed up in his room shirtless. 

“You alright Will?”

“Yeah, sorry, was lost in thought,” he said and moved towards the door. “Have fun, I mean, hope the shower is not bad.”

“I am assuming you have never had to see someone off to the bathroom until today, Will,” Hannibal said, smiling. Will would have looked at him and smiled back but all he could see was his chest. It was a nice chest, but he wasn’t sure if that was a normal compliment one could just give to their therapist. 

“I am going to call Alana to ask when she is coming for the dogs,” Will muttered and walked away. 

******

They were five minutes away from the first site. Will was driving and Hannibal was sitting next to him, looking out. 

“I am sorry about not attending my sessions with you Doctor,” Will said, out of the blue.

Hannibal looked at him. “You don’t have to apologise.”

“I feel like doing so.”

“Well, in that case,” Hannibal said, “I am sorry too. I cannot explain why, but yes, I apologise too.”

“Apologies aren’t a two way road.”

“That false belief is the reason why so many marriages end up in divorce.”

Will laughed, although he did like what Dr Lecter had said. 

They pulled over in the supermarket parking, where Sasha was allegedly seen for the last time. Alive. Will stood in the empty parking lot, not a lot of people went grocery shopping in the morning it seemed. That is why he chose that time of his own shopping. 

“Let me know if I need to step away or something like that,” Hannibal said, standing a ew paces behind Will. 

“No, it’s alright. I have already been here, I just thought it would be good to go to all the sites, to get the whole picture.”

“Okay. Well, I’ll just stand here.” 

Will closed his eyes, the cold air seeming to create a barrier between the present and him. 

_ Sasha. Fretting about her keys, baby talking to Adrian. She is clearly stressed. Her car is a little away and she has a lot of things. As she makes her way to the car, she is stopped by a stranger. A nervous voice offering help. She says yes, what could go wrong? _

_ There’s darkness. _

_ She is pulled by her hair. Her baby sees it all, bawling loudly. The man starts crying, walks away. His mission is accomplished.  _

When Will opened his eyes, Hannibal was right next to him. He looked around, a couple had just parked and were getting out of the car. He rubbed his eyes and started making his way to the car. Hannibal asked him to wait there and walked inside the store. 

Will could feel that this case would be closed by the end of this trip. It was a good feeling but the ugly imprint of the babies having to have witnessed these deaths made it hard for him to close his eyes. 

Hannibal came back with chocolates. “They are supposed to make you feel good. Eat one.”

Will took it from him.

“Do you want me to drive?”

“No, I need to focus on something,” Will said.

“I can talk you through it,” Hannibal offered.

They were quiet for a while. Will pulled onto the highway, the sun finally in full glory, behind them. 

“Whoever did this, he was a disappointment to his mother. All of this was another attempt at getting validation from her..”

“Did it work?”

“Never will, she’s dead. She died berating her child, punishing him for things he could not control.”

Hannibal nodded.

“The worst part is, he will have to live with this, all his life. If he takes his life, he won’t go where his mother did, because she was a good person and he isn’t. He is stuck. This was a final attempt, and it’s all futile.”

“It’s surprising how much control others can have on our minds. How much we are impacted by them and how we are shaped up according to their set of beliefs.”

“No one can escape it.”

“No,” Hannibal said.

Their conversation was interrupted by Jack’s call.

“We have left for Maryland, I think we will reach there by… what time is it right now? Thirty minutes past ten.. Okay so, by late afternoon. Yes I will keep you informed. Thanks. Yes Dr Lecter is right here.”

Hannibal looked at Will driving, and felt an intense need to just sit with his hands in his. He looked more tired than when they set out in the morning. He would have to go through this seven more times. It was true, empathy took as much from the empath as it did from the victim. 

He thought of how many other cases Will had gone through, all alone. No wonder this man was fatigued all the time. 

“Do you think the children will remember what they saw?” Will asked tentatively.

Hannibal took a moment to reply. “They may not remember it exactly, but the feelings they felt can take up shape in them and make them wary of things in the future. They may be wary of strangers forever, have nightmares, feel scared inexplicably, it’s very vast.”

“I wonder what they will be told about their mothers.”

“It’s tough keeping a thing from someone for a long time, especially something which is so important for them..”

“This angers me, we keep messing children up, one way or the other. All of us,” Will commented indignantly. 

“Ever thought of having children of your own, Will?” Hannibal asked.

“That’s an intense question.”

“But you have thought about it, many times.”

Will looked at him briefly. “Yes. I would like a child of my own. Maybe more..”

“Why not get one?”

“Oh I will fail terribly at being a dad.”

“Is that what you actually think?”

Will made a left turn. “I think that I will be a fairly good father, but I don’t have a child to test that theory. And that is what scares me. It’s a theory, it’s an opinion. What if I mess that child up?”

“You cannot determine that just like that, just the way you cannot prove your theory.”

“Schrodinger’s dad,” Will said, and Hannibal laughed.

“I also think,” Will continued, “if I fail as a father, it will break me and I will have no other good thing to think about myself.”

Hannibal looked at his watch. “Let’s pull over somewhere.”

_ A vast field, cars going past them. They step out of the car, stand in the field, nothing between them, or beyond them.  _

**Hannibal:** Why do you think that you will not be a good father?

**Will:** I fear that I will be cold and detached. 

**Hannibal:** Why?

**Will:** Because I am cold and detached most of the time.

**Hannibal:** And, what else?

_ Nervous eyes, indicating a confession. Unsure hands, the beginning of all things heavy which live in you. _

**Will:** I think I cannot fully love someone. I want to, but I don’t think I can. It’s an incapability which has no cure. How can I raise a child when I know a part of me will be locked away forever?

**Hannibal:** You are hypothesizing. 

**Will:** Based on some truth. 

**Hannibal:** What truth?

**Will:** I have always pulled myself back, even when the other person has given me nothing but love. I cannot be both the parents to a child, I need to let someone in so that we can create a world…. Together.

**Hannibal:** You are being hard on yourself. I know this is something you have heard from so many people on different occasions but it is true. No human is devoid of the capability of love. Even our killer, he did this as an act of devotion, he did this out of love. Was he wrong? Yes. But as you said, he was shaped that way.

_Silence_ _. Will looks at the sky, looks at the cars passing them by.  _

**Will:** I think it’s too late.

**Hannibal:** You have not missed your chance. You want a child to love? Start by letting yourself be loved. Allow yourself things.

**Will:** This sounds so much like the love yourself mambo jumbo which is being forced down people’ throats these days.

A shared smile.

**Hannibal:** It is not. You know that too.

**Will:** Can I ask you a question?

**Hannibal:** Sure.

**Will:** Have you ever felt fatherhood tug at your heart?

**Hannibal:** Yes. In private moments, when I allow myself to think of things. 

**Will:** Why did you never marry? You and Dr du Maurier seem to be the perfect match.

**Hannibal:** That’s very sweet of you Will, I will let her know. We just never seriously dated. And I never let anyone close enough. 

**Will:** Do you think you will ever find someone?

**Hannibal:** Unlike you, Will, I can actually say it is too late for me. 

**Will:** I don’t think so. Love is at the next corner or whatever.

**Hannibal:** So today we are going to quote romantic comedies?

**Will:** You started it.

Hannibal laughed. They were standing closer than at the beginning, their shoulders almost touching. 

“I insist on driving now,” he said. Will handed him the key wordlessly. 

“I will choose the music then.”

“Sure.”

It was going to be a long week, and Hannibal was glad about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! comments and feedback are as usual, welcome. feel free to check out the other stuff that I have posted too <3
> 
> bye, have a good one


	16. PART 1- chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a brief update, apologies! working on other things and trying not to freak out about life in general <3

They reached the parking lot near Wayne’s, a restaurant just between Virginia and Maryland by nightfall. Will and Hannibal sat in the car, waiting for the crowd to lessen considerably before they got out. It didn’t seem to be happening soon. 

“I think we should go and wait inside, we can also eat that way,” Will said, feeling bad about dragging Hannibal with him.

Hannibal nodded. “That sounds good.”

“Should the lack of reservations be a concern about the quality of food here?” Hannibal mumbled while the waitress showed them their seats.

Will looked at him and smiled. The waitress looked at them expectantly, smiling too, unaware. 

“I will be your host for tonight, please feel free to ask me for anything,” she said. 

They nodded and waited till she had brought their drinks and gone back. 

“What happened here?” Hannibal asked.

“The woman had been on a date, and was leaving when she was killed,” Will said.

“Her child?”

“At home, with her nephew, who was babysitting him.”

“Did they question the date?” Hannibal asked, looking at the menu.

“Yes. She was clueless and very shocked,” Will rubbed his eyes, his fatigue evident. “Order for me please, just no shellfish.”

Hannibal smiled and complied. 

They walked out of the restaurant, feeling cold. Hannibal could see Will’s nose had turned red, and as they stepped out in the dark parking lot, he could hear him shudder. 

“Want me to get you another jacket from the car, Will?” he asked.

“No, it’s fine. This will be quick.” 

Hannibal nodded. They walked in the now fairly empty parking lot, and Hannibal stepped back as Will made his way to the site he had been told about. 

_ She’s happy, the date went well. She’s on her phone with her mother.  _

_ Suddenly a hand on her throat, a choking noise given birth. Another hand in her hair. He drives her to another place to kill her. Brings her back, puts her in her car.  _

Will came out of it, his mind hazy. He looked around until he spotted Hannibal who was making his way to him. He stood quietly, his mind full of a tangled bloody mass, a clot. He knew he was going to figure it out, but he also knew the price he had to pay. 

“The thing is, this man doesn’t do it for fun. It’s a job, a goal he has set for himself...he is doing it with abandon, no pattern at all, except in his victims,” he said.

“Does it make it tough?” Hannibal asked, as they walked away from the site. Will was actively avoiding looking at anyone. 

“It just makes it frustrating. And it takes a lot more toll on my mind. I like solving puzzles. This is like cleaning your closet, or cleaning the bathtub, a menial task, laborious with no satisfaction.”

“A well organised closet always has me satisfied,” Hannibal replied and Will let out a staggered laugh.

They were now near their car. Will called Jack to inform him that they were done with the second site. Hannibal got in the driver’s seat and Will did not protest. They sat, and as they set off, Will’s phone rang.

Hannibal side eyed Will whose face paler than ever in the vulgar brightness of his phone. He picked it up.

“Hey, yeah. We’re about to reach Maryland…...probably an hour or two. No, Dr Lecter is driving…...I was going to text you in a while…… yeah….. take care…. bye.. you too.”

“Beverly Katz, I assume?” Hannibal inquired. 

Will nodded. “She was worried.”

“How does it feel, having someone to think for you?”

“Scary. I don’t know how to reciprocate.”

“Would you call to check on her if your places were changed?”

“I would do that for Jack too. Alana. Jimmy and Brian,” Will said. “You.”

Hannibal continued driving. 

“I just, I don’t know how to be with someone and let them be with me. I am unbearable.”

“Quite a foolish declaration, I must say.”

“Why?” Will couldn’t help but laugh.

“You aren’t unbearable. You have just been living in your head for so long, all by your own. But the version you know of yourself, Will is not entirely real and nobody else knows about him. You have a warped perspective when it comes to yourself - a lot of people do. Some turn into egotistical and actually unbreakable people, some just keep receding until they vanish from their own meaning. There’s a lot of paths in between these two, and you can easily walk on one of those, and find someone to be with you while you do that,” Hannibal paused and he could feel that Will was considering what he had said. 

The car seemed to be full of something, all these words he had just said and all the silence that Will had been carrying for the last few moments. 

“You’re good Dr Lecter,” he finally said. His voice gave away that he wanted to say more. 

“How else would I pay my bills,” he said, lightly. “Although I apologise for the unwarranted therapy session.”

“It’s alright, I liked it. I would like to think about it for a while. And get back to you in our next session perhaps.”

Hannibal smiled in the darkness. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ty for reading, mwah


	17. PART 1- chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when people abandon their god?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay the conversation was a drag to write but the ending was so comforting, i enjoyed writing it. hope you enjoy reading it too

The hotel they were staying in was a posh little structure. They checked in around midnight, and the receptionist gave them a key. 

“You will be sharing a common room and you can use it to go to your rooms. Feel free to call room service whenever,” she smiled, her eyes tired. 

Hannibal smiled and thanked her. Will followed suit.

They made their way to the room, neither of them saying anything. 

“We have to be at the church tomorrow morning, for the thing,” Will said, his voice tired. Hannibal nodded and went to his room to keep his bag. He sat on the bed, thinking about how this was something he had never thought would happen to him - him being impromptu, having someone to talk to, he wondered what Hannibal from five years ago would think of it, although that was a futile wonderment. He walked out of his room to see Will fast asleep on the couch itself. It was true that his job took a toll at his state of being. Hannibal walked back to his room and brought a comforter and covered Will with it, and gently taking his glasses off. He then sat on the chair by Will’s feet. The man was breathing softly, his face devoid of any and all emotions, the most peaceful Hannibal had ever seen him.

He kept sitting there until he started to feel drowsy himself, upon which he made his way to his room. 

*****   
  


“I am sorry about last night, I was just too tired,” Will mumbled, when Hannibal brought him his coffee. They were in the lobby, about to leave. 

“It’s nothing worth apologising for, Will,” he replied. 

Will nodded and took a sip of the bitter coffee. It was terrible. 

It was still a little past daybreak when they got in the car. Today they had to visit two sites, the first one being a church a little away from where they were staying. It was a fifteen minute drive which was spent in comfortable silence. 

It was quite abandoned that the church had fallen into disuse, probably after whatever happened there. They walked inside the church, and stood in front of the statue of Jesus, under which the lady had been murdered and placed. 

Hannibal touched Will’s shoulder lightly, an indication of comfort. Will looked at him briefly before walking ahead and taking a closer look of the place. 

_ Sunday mass. A lot of people. Everyone is amused by her baby, just a little over a year old. She is happy, something good has happened to her recently. She volunteers to stay back and help clean up, after someone she trusts, her mother perhaps, takes the child back home. She meets a man who is on his way out, someone new. He asks her for directions to some place, and she helps him. He walks out of the church, only to walk back in from the other door and bash her head against one of the pews. He leaves her right there, a vision in white.  _

Will opened his eyes. He could feel a sick feeling in his stomach, and even though he hadn’t eaten, he felt like he might throw up. 

He turned around to find Hannibal inspecting one of the tinted windows, his face reflecting the reds and purples back. He made his way to him and sat in one of the pews. 

_ A pressing question. He looks at the back of his head. _

**Will:** What happens when people abandon their god?

**Hannibal:** God is not immune to loneliness. 

**Will:** What does he do about it?

**Hannibal:** Maybe packs his bag and walks out to live in a house of faith.

**Will:** Perhaps under a girl’s bed, who’s scared of monsters.

_ A smile.  _

**Hannibal:** Perhaps. Maybe he gets tired and just leaves.

**Will:** A man and god walk into a bar. 

_ Hannibal laughs. _

**Hannibal:** They realise not much differentiates them when they are stepped on by the rest.

_ Will nods, amused. _

**Will:** I thought about what you said yesterday.

_ Hannibal lets him continue.  _

**Will:** I think I am tired of having to test the waters first. Because by the time I’m done, it’s all over. I am too slow for my own good. Intimacy… doesn’t come easy to me, and by the time I have readied myself to be vulnerable, the other person has already laid down their story and they think I am too closed off.

**Hannibal:** Is this what happened with Alana?

_ A faint smile plays on Will’s lips.  _

**Will:** Kind of. I thought it would be easier, she is my best friend. But no, it was like she and I were together in the wrong place. Like how we’re supposed to go to a wedding but we ended up at a funeral.

**Hannibal:** Both somber occasions.

**Will:** I was disoriented. She kept pulling me in and I kept walking backwards.

**Hannibal:** Then?

**Will:** We realised this was the worst thing we could do to each other.

_ Hannibal sits next to Will, their silence loud in the abandoned church. _

**Will:** I know this sounds like a terrible thing to say, but I was secretly glad I was spared of the whole ordeal. 

**Hannibal:** The ordeal of being loved?

_ Silence. Will knows Hannibal is right, the latter does too. But that’s not all. _

**Will:** The ordeal of being known in a way which would permanently change something in me.

**Hannibal:** Do you think you’re not ready to meet that version of yourself?

**Will:** I don’t think I will like him much.

**Hannibal:** Do you like Present you much?

**Will:** You’re my therapist Dr Lecter, you’re supposed to help me figure it out.

**Hannibal:** I will provide you with all sorts of help once you know what you want.

_ Will looks at Hannibal, the colored glass shining an array of lights on his hands. He considers the question. What does he want? What does he want right now?  _

_ He wants the days to extend indefinitely, so that he gets to sit here with Hannibal, so that he gets to talk it all out; something he has never done. The feelings he has been carrying inside of him, now nothing less than a friend but nothing more than a part of him, he thinks it’s time for their bereavement. _

**Will:** We have a few days together, I think we can figure out what I want by the time all of this ends.

Hannibal looked at Will, the sun hitting his face at the right places. He thought of how he was now losing grip on the nature of their relationship and how this was the first time he had wanted to actively pursue someone and ask them to favour him over everyone else. 

This was wrong, he knew. But he also knew that the peal of his heart was something he had never thought he would get to hear. 

They kept sitting there for a while, neither of them saying anything. Hannibal looked at Will, unabashed, reveling in the way his face shone, the way his hair fell across his forehead. He knew Will was aware of his gaze, and this added on to the experience. Will was letting him see him, no matter what his reasoning was. Will was looking at his own hands which were loosely clasped in his lap, like a couple of flowers entangled. Hannibal looked at his own hands and on a whim, put his left on the former’s. 

“I hate saying this because it sounds hollow, but I really want to say it to you, because I want it to be true for you - it is alright Will, you are not terrible, everything is going to be fine.”

Will looked at him, his face unreadable except the slight flicker in his eyes which assessed Hannibal’s entire face. 

“It somehow doesn’t sound hollow when you say it Hannibal,” he said, turning his palms upwards and holding on Hannibal’s hand lightly. 

Hannibal’s face broke into a smile, and Will was yet again reminded of a shy schoolboy. As they continued sitting there, their hands awash with all colours the sun could muster, Will felt something in him opening up, perhaps the right place to keep his heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments, feedbacks, prompts welcome. thank you for reading <3 🧡🧡🧡🧡🧡


	18. PART 1- chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here's a filler chapter. i'm sorry i'm going thru a crisis! it's called my life !

They were back at the hotel room. Will was calling the playschool they were supposed to be at. They said to come anytime. They could be done here and leave by night if they wanted to, and be on their way to North Carolina. Or they could leave in the morning, when their check out was due. It was only five hours drive anyways, and they’d be able to reach it by afternoon. He decided to check with Hannibal about it. But before that, he had to call Beverly.

“Hey,” she said, her voice groggy.

“Were you asleep?”

“Yeah, came back home and fell asleep on the couch watching something,” he could hear her shift. “I don’t remember what I was watching though.”

“You should take it easy,” Will said.

“Tell people to not get killed.”

Will laughed. 

“So, how is Mission Big Dipper going?”

“It’s alright. Three sites down, five more to go,” he said, sitting on his bed. “It gets a little tiring.”

“You should take it easy,” he could hear her smiling.

“People just can’t stop killing,” he said. 

“How are you Will?”

“I am fine. How are you?”

“And you’re not just saying it?”

“I am not. Dr Lecter is here with me.”

“Yes, that’s good. I am fine too.”

“Well, you should rest. We can talk later,” he said. 

“Sure. I will call you tomorrow morning if that’s okay?”

“Yeah,” he said. 

“You’re a handsome man, Will,” she said.

“Okay,” he laughed, surprised.

“Just wanted to let you know. Goodnight,” she said, laughing herself.

“Goodnight Beverly. You are beautiful yourself.”

“I wasn’t my fourth grade’s dance queen for nothing,” she quipped. 

Will laughed softly, against the phone. They bid farewell once again, and he sat on the bed, a faint smile still playing on his face. This part was good, the beginning, when it was all casual. Not much was expected from him, he wasn’t her boyfriend yet. God, he had never been a good boyfriend. What a silly word it was, to be used for a man his age, anyways. 

He walked out of his room to find Hannibal sitting at the table, reading the hotel brochure casually. Just like Will, he had changed into something casual - a turtleneck and pants to Will’s t-shirt and sweats.

Will told him about the two choices they had. 

“I am fine with either although it won’t be practical to leave at night. We’ll be in North Carolina in the middle of the night which can cause problems in terms of finding a place to stay and all,” he said.

Will nodded. That was the more sensible approach. 

“So we can check out, go to the kindergarten school and then leave.”

Hannibal nodded.

“What are you reading?” 

“This brochure has stories about how this hotel was once the place of choice of old Hollywood stars,” he replied, gesturing vaguely to the piece of paper in front of him.

“Things change; it looks like a sad little building now that’s all,” Will said, as he sat on the chair next to Hannibal’s. 

“I like old buildings. Something intimate and strong about them,” Hannibal said.

“Like old trees.”

“I can imagine you running away to live in a tree,” Hannibal smiled. 

Will laughed. “If it were possible, I’d do it. Away from everything which ties me down. Just me in the woods, bare feet.”

“It would be very comforting indeed.”

“You can come with me if you want to,” Will said, on an impulse. “You can be on a neighboring tree.”

“I would like that,” Hannibal said, looking pleased.

“And when the insects will stress me out I can ask you to come talk me down,” Will said, slowly. 

This silly fantasy that they were indulging in made him feel the way he had felt talking to Beverly. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing. It probably wasn’t, but he couldn’t inquire his therapist about it.

“That sounds like a good plan, Will. I will do that for you,” Hannibal said. Their eyes met and Will was taken back to the abandoned church where he had touched Hannibal’s hands, and he could feel the urge building up in him again. He tried to focus on something else but everything in front of him was Hannibal. 

“I called Beverly a little while ago,” he said, deflecting.

“How did it go?” Hannibal’s face was unreadable. 

“It was surprisingly easy. But then, it’s just the beginning.”

“Are beginnings always easy for you?”

Will nodded. “Yeah, I think so. It’s probably because the other person is also taking it easy and being careful.”

Hannibal nodded. 

“What about you?” Will asked.

“I find it hard to initiate things myself. I will have to admit that I haven’t had many instances where I have had to, but if I was ever presented with one,” Hannibal paused and glanced briefly at Will. “I would probably miss out on it.”

Will stared at him, his face indicating that he was thinking something. Hannibal felt a sudden bout of anxiousness - had he said too much? He looked at Will, trying to figure it out. 

“What happened with Dr du Maurier, if you don’t mind me asking?” Will asked.

“We were just beginning to practise our professions, and things didn’t seem to be working for us in any way other than being friends. When we were young we kept coming back to each other but we realised it was never endgame. So we stopped.”

“Stopped trying?”

“That sounds lazy. We knew what we were doing.”

Will smiled. 

“Do you want to go downstairs for dinner?” Hannibal asked.

“Not really,” Will said. “Unless you want to?”

Hannibal shook his head. “I don’t either.”

A mostly silent dinner in their room later, they were sitting with nothing to do. 

“Why do you like old buildings?” Will asked, circling back to the conversation they were having a while ago. He was sitting on the couch and Hannibal was standing by the window, looking outside the window. 

Hannibal turned his head briefly and went back to staring outside. “The house I was born in had been our ancestral house. The boarding school I went to was centuries old too. I think it was something which I have begun to associate with simpler times,” he said. Will looked at the back of his head. 

“It is also because of how these buildings seem to have so many stories living inside of them, more than people. More dead than living,” he continued.

“Is that something you have found comfort in?” Will asked, “buildings, places, things outside of yourself?”

“Yes,” Hannibal walked to Will and was about to sit on the sofa across from him when Will patted the space next to him. Hannibal complied. 

“I just, I am not sure what the actual cause of my loneliness is, or why I feel the way I do. All I know is, if I store small parts of me in this world, maybe I wouldn’t feel so hollow. I travel to places, look at paintings, read books. I leave parts of me in them, and bring back parts of them with me. Maybe I am not myself anymore. Maybe I am a little bit of everything that has touched me, and maybe that is what it is supposed to be human.”

He paused and Will looked at him. He wanted to reach out and touch his shoulder. So he did. 

Hannibal looked at him, his face devoid of any kind of surprise. 

Will pressed onto his shoulder, hoping it would convey what his lack of words were unable to. 

“Do you pity me, Will?” Hannibal asked softly. 

“No. Please do not ever let such a doubt erupt in your head again,” he said. Will used to think he was bad with words but turns out his silence was equally a bad friend of his.

“I don’t pity you, nor do I think there’s something wrong with you. One can read and research and come up with all the theories they want to ease their conscience, but I don’t think there’s a cure for loneliness. Except love, perhaps. But you can be in love and still feel lonely. It’s quite a conundrum actually,” he paused momentarily and turned to face Hannibal, one of his legs on the couch and his hands in his lap now. “I may be wrong. I hope I am wrong, actually. What I want to say is, the world does listen, and if you are seeking ways to feel less lonely, you’ll find them, once in a while. It’s not a lot, not this way, but it’s something.”

Hannibal had turned and was mirroring Will by now. 

Will looked at his face and his head was flooded with feelings. He wasn’t able to comprehend them entirely but he knew he was feeling something because and for the man sitting in front of him. He put his hand on Hannibal’s left cheek, before he could even think what he was doing. 

Hannibal closed his eyes briefly. This was the first time in months that he had been held, like a gentle thing. He wanted Will to put his other hand on his face too. He could feel part of him dissolving. He looked directly at Will, who had a hint of shock on his face - the unsure kind, _ what had he done? _

“I think I will leave a piece of myself here too, Will.”

“Will you take something with yourself too?” Will asked. 

“Something very precious, I’d like to hold it close to me for days,” he said.

“Me too,” Will replied. 

That night when Will lay awake on his bed, he thought of Hannibal as a young boy, as a child, lost in his big house, trying to find answers to questions he was yet to put into words. He thought of his own childhood, all of it a haze, tinged blue because of all the water, all the gloomy feelings his mother carried with her, like his twin. He was sure most of it had leaked into him when he was born and that is why he was the way he was. He wanted to say it out loud, to Hannibal. He wanted to let him know the world was a lonesome place indeed, and how love too was lonesome, until you found someone just like you - a fruit stabbed at and carved out by the tip of the world's knife. He let all of it sit heavily all over his body, until it tired him out enough to shut the world out.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for that weird note at the beginning. if you're still reading this, i love u and thank you so much for being patient and coming back to it. do let me know what you think in the comments, if you want, i mean.   
> take care, february will be kinder. eat a lot of heart shaped chocolates and let love take over <3

**Author's Note:**

> here are other hannibal fanfics by me -  
> [mind palace, you and me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28676976)
> 
> [all we've carried, all we've owned](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28633656)


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